Alright, cards on the table: I wrote about 4 or 5 of these little “essays” or “updates” or whatever, but after obsessively reading over them 5 times, i ended up just deleting the post. I drunkingly threw together a 20 minute read after the Giants loss to the eagles in the playoffs, still not too happy about that but we’ll get to that.
More cards on the table: Its 12:30 AM and I decided on a whim to throw this together last second, as one does. So now its time for another write-up that nobody asked for (as is tradition).
Yeah, we’re at a 2 ish on the scale. What in the world should we be in pain about, *really*? Schoen and Daboll are good man, they’re objectively good. I’m not saying they’ve done nothing but shit gold the last few months, but they’re undergoing the correct process in all of their decision making and it feels like theres finally an adult int he room.
DJ is the quarterback, thats it. I don’t wanna hear any more ifs/ands/butts about if hes the future or not. Whether anyone likes it or not, hes here for two years minimum even if he sexually assaults 24 women.
I personally am hype about keeping DJ in the building. He is tough as nails, is showing steady improvement, can run the ball, and 40m/year isn’t that insane when you figure hes probably a top 10-20 QB. Add on top of that: He’s young and is about to go into his prime as an adult male. Thats worth money, ask Cincinnati.
Okay more cards on the table: I can already tell that I could ramble on and on so Imma try to keep the rest brief.
Lets talk division.
I will preface this by saying that this Giants team is dog water until proven otherwise. Beat the god damn shit fucking cock sucking eagles and cowboys O N C E and *maybe* you’ll earn an ounce of respect in the division. Until then, the shit talk will keep coming because we deserve it. ITS NOT EVEN A GODDAMN RIVALRY MAN. THEY’RE LAUGHING AT US. Okay. Enough of that.
Eagles are just going to be good, and we have to accept that. Granted, they were one of the healthiest teams in the NFL last season, and Hurts played way better than anybody thought he could. Its gonna happen when you have Howie playing 4D chess with the rest of the league. Although i will admit Hurts is a DOG and im kinda sad it worked out so well for the eagles, i wanna see him play at the same level in B2B years before i consider him top 5 (Mahomes, Allen, Burrow, Eli Manning, Herbert). In short: Eagles are gonna fuck. However as we all know, there cannot be a back to back NFCE champion. You know the rules, and so do I. This is a fundamental law of physics that cannot be broken, dont be surprised when the Eagles dont’ win the division. It has been foretold.
Cowboys: We will beat this team tonight and here’s why: The have earned 12 wins in back to back seasons, and 6 wins the one before those. Which means they have to get 6/7 this season so it all balances out, as all things should be. Sike, obviously the cowboys are going to fuck. the team is just loaded with talent. Their practice squad WR’s could be our starters (don’t fact check me on that). Micah fucking parsons against Evan Neal? Ah frick. But, i think this Giants team is hungrier than the cowboys. At home, Sunday night football. Let em’ know. Let em alllllll know on live fucking goddamn television: The New York Football Giants are back motherfucker. This team got a taste of success with a playoff win, but they all know deep down it don’t mean fuck all if you can’t dance in the division. Tonight, they’ll lead the tango.
Commanders: ehh… Ron Rivera is washed, Sam Howell is the best they can do, scary terry is their only offensive shot rod, Chase Young is a trifling disappointment, and FedEx Field is gross. But their fans are very nice, and they finally got a new owner… who isnt historically very competent.. but oh well at least its not Snyder. Not gonna lie, i can’t tell you much about the commanders, so i’m not going to say much more other than i expect to split with them at minimum, but more likely we will sweep due to excellent coaching and a deeper WR threat.
So yeah thats the division… amazing write up so far i know. Don’t worry, it gets better (it doesn’t). Just beat the fucking eagles or cowboys O N C E for gods sake. I think we will tonight (let em know).
I have no worries about DJ. I’m too drunk to look up my post from last year on game day, but i believe i summarized it as just to enjoy the ride and start watching college football QB’s. Boy was I wrong. DJ is what this team needs. Im so fuckling proud of the step he took last year, and this year hes taking another step. Listen, Daboll isn’t a fucking idiot. Schoen isn’t a fucking idiot. They didn’t draft this guy. They declined his 5th year option for a reason: they were gonna get what they could out of him and cut him loose. Guess what? They realized the kid could play football. Lets lock him up, and play to his strengths . What happened? Turns out hes one of the most efficient QB’s in all of football. He also had the lowest interception rate in the NFL, played every game, never says anything bad off the field, the players love him, he works his ass off, AND HES AN ANGEL AND IF YOU HURT HIM I WILL END YOU. HE IS OUR SPECIAL CHILD AND NEEDS TO BE LOVED. I fucking love this kid, proud hes on the Giants. Be proud that this organization was smart enough to realize that Pat Shurmer, Jason Garret, Freddie Kitchens, and Joe Judge were all fuckin dog water and weren’t getting production out of the kid cause they couldn’t get their heads outtta their asses. Mic drop.
Closing thoughts: Hyatt dropped a pass on an island in one of the pre-season games, and he looked shell shocked as all hell. I rolled my eyes and immediately my first impression of him was shot. What happens next? Hes on an island with the same exact play formation and catches it for a touchdown! God dammit lets go. I went from doom to DAMN! I have a good feeling about a person that has a next play mentality this early in their career. He will do great things for us, be excited. Thibs, you gotta step up. Being a good pass rusher isn’t enough: You have to be GREAT. He doesn’t have to be JPP, but he’s gotta take the next step into the category of legitimate pass rushing pressure. I just think he left a lot on the table his rookie season and i expect much more out of him. I’ve heard nothing from him all of camp up to this point, and thats no good. Prove me wrong and sack daks dumb ass on live television in your home stadium…. no snow angels though.
Fuck it, lets go game by game with crisp and objective analysis:
W: Cowboys- dak is trash and chokes with the crowd noise rising. Close game in the first 3 quarters but it gets out of hand after a forced fumble for a TD.
W: Cardinals- lol cmon
L: 49ers- no reason why we couldn’t win this game, but the team as a whole and their coaching staff is just too fucking good. DOn’t worry, we’ll beat em in the playoffs.
W: Seahawks- Geno Smith back to reality, whoop there goes gravity. All the sudden the seahawks are staring tdownt he barrel of an 0-5 start.
W: Dolphins- great team but the QB is left-handed
L: Bills- Jallen does Jallen things
W: Commies- Howell can’t take the heat of the front 7
W: Jets- JetLife stadium eh? DW little bro you’ll get us next time.
L: Raiders- inexplicably, JimmyG goes the fuck off and D. Adams has another signature 4 TD game. Raiders win after a 3-5 start to their season, shocking the Giants in the Death Star.
L: Cowboys- cowboys wide-outs feast and we can’t keep up, shit happens
W: Commies- Did i mention Howell is trash?
W: Patriots- Bill, you’re a good coach but you’re a trash GM. Thats why your team sucks.
W: Packers- Love is trash, i feel like im the only one who realizes this. We’ve seen him play before… am i on crazy pills?
L: Saints- Saints are gonna fuck this season, look tf out. Nobody is gonna see it coming but they gonna go like 13-4
W: Eagles- Ah, victory! Hurts recedes to the mean following his superbowl loss. At this point he tries like hell extending every play he can and starts to take a toll. By this point in the season hes bruised up a bit and the Giants take advantage. suck it nerds
W: Rams- poor kooper kupp
W: Eagles- Ah, victory! Hurts rece- wait, didn’t i just do this? Hang on: (Checks schedule) Oh, we’re playing the eagles within 3 weeks of eachother? What in the literal fuck dude… why do they do thi- you know what, im getting side-tracked. We beat the eagles again cause theyre trash and its ez lmfao. get rekt kid
so as you can see by my astounding analysis: The New York Football Giants will win the NFCE with a record of 12-5, beating the 49ers in the playoffs. They will then go on to lose to the Saints in the NFC Championship game, who will then go on to lose to the Chargers in the superbowl.
The Giants are winning tonights game. I can feel it. I smell fear. I can’t wait to rip shots, crush beers, yell at my screen, and type away like a chinese school girl after every game. I fuckin love all of yall in this subreddit and i can’t wait for this win tonight. LET EM KNOW. Fuck you and i’ll see you next week.
2 comments
Well well well… its been a while lads.
Alright, cards on the table: I wrote about 4 or 5 of these little “essays” or “updates” or whatever, but after obsessively reading over them 5 times, i ended up just deleting the post. I drunkingly threw together a 20 minute read after the Giants loss to the eagles in the playoffs, still not too happy about that but we’ll get to that.
More cards on the table: Its 12:30 AM and I decided on a whim to throw this together last second, as one does. So now its time for another write-up that nobody asked for (as is tradition).
Yeah, we’re at a 2 ish on the scale. What in the world should we be in pain about, *really*? Schoen and Daboll are good man, they’re objectively good. I’m not saying they’ve done nothing but shit gold the last few months, but they’re undergoing the correct process in all of their decision making and it feels like theres finally an adult int he room.
DJ is the quarterback, thats it. I don’t wanna hear any more ifs/ands/butts about if hes the future or not. Whether anyone likes it or not, hes here for two years minimum even if he sexually assaults 24 women.
I personally am hype about keeping DJ in the building. He is tough as nails, is showing steady improvement, can run the ball, and 40m/year isn’t that insane when you figure hes probably a top 10-20 QB. Add on top of that: He’s young and is about to go into his prime as an adult male. Thats worth money, ask Cincinnati.
Okay more cards on the table: I can already tell that I could ramble on and on so Imma try to keep the rest brief.
Lets talk division.
I will preface this by saying that this Giants team is dog water until proven otherwise. Beat the god damn shit fucking cock sucking eagles and cowboys O N C E and *maybe* you’ll earn an ounce of respect in the division. Until then, the shit talk will keep coming because we deserve it. ITS NOT EVEN A GODDAMN RIVALRY MAN. THEY’RE LAUGHING AT US. Okay. Enough of that.
Eagles are just going to be good, and we have to accept that. Granted, they were one of the healthiest teams in the NFL last season, and Hurts played way better than anybody thought he could. Its gonna happen when you have Howie playing 4D chess with the rest of the league. Although i will admit Hurts is a DOG and im kinda sad it worked out so well for the eagles, i wanna see him play at the same level in B2B years before i consider him top 5 (Mahomes, Allen, Burrow, Eli Manning, Herbert). In short: Eagles are gonna fuck. However as we all know, there cannot be a back to back NFCE champion. You know the rules, and so do I. This is a fundamental law of physics that cannot be broken, dont be surprised when the Eagles dont’ win the division. It has been foretold.
Cowboys: We will beat this team tonight and here’s why: The have earned 12 wins in back to back seasons, and 6 wins the one before those. Which means they have to get 6/7 this season so it all balances out, as all things should be. Sike, obviously the cowboys are going to fuck. the team is just loaded with talent. Their practice squad WR’s could be our starters (don’t fact check me on that). Micah fucking parsons against Evan Neal? Ah frick. But, i think this Giants team is hungrier than the cowboys. At home, Sunday night football. Let em’ know. Let em alllllll know on live fucking goddamn television: The New York Football Giants are back motherfucker. This team got a taste of success with a playoff win, but they all know deep down it don’t mean fuck all if you can’t dance in the division. Tonight, they’ll lead the tango.
Commanders: ehh… Ron Rivera is washed, Sam Howell is the best they can do, scary terry is their only offensive shot rod, Chase Young is a trifling disappointment, and FedEx Field is gross. But their fans are very nice, and they finally got a new owner… who isnt historically very competent.. but oh well at least its not Snyder. Not gonna lie, i can’t tell you much about the commanders, so i’m not going to say much more other than i expect to split with them at minimum, but more likely we will sweep due to excellent coaching and a deeper WR threat.
So yeah thats the division… amazing write up so far i know. Don’t worry, it gets better (it doesn’t). Just beat the fucking eagles or cowboys O N C E for gods sake. I think we will tonight (let em know).
I have no worries about DJ. I’m too drunk to look up my post from last year on game day, but i believe i summarized it as just to enjoy the ride and start watching college football QB’s. Boy was I wrong. DJ is what this team needs. Im so fuckling proud of the step he took last year, and this year hes taking another step. Listen, Daboll isn’t a fucking idiot. Schoen isn’t a fucking idiot. They didn’t draft this guy. They declined his 5th year option for a reason: they were gonna get what they could out of him and cut him loose. Guess what? They realized the kid could play football. Lets lock him up, and play to his strengths . What happened? Turns out hes one of the most efficient QB’s in all of football. He also had the lowest interception rate in the NFL, played every game, never says anything bad off the field, the players love him, he works his ass off, AND HES AN ANGEL AND IF YOU HURT HIM I WILL END YOU. HE IS OUR SPECIAL CHILD AND NEEDS TO BE LOVED. I fucking love this kid, proud hes on the Giants. Be proud that this organization was smart enough to realize that Pat Shurmer, Jason Garret, Freddie Kitchens, and Joe Judge were all fuckin dog water and weren’t getting production out of the kid cause they couldn’t get their heads outtta their asses. Mic drop.
Closing thoughts: Hyatt dropped a pass on an island in one of the pre-season games, and he looked shell shocked as all hell. I rolled my eyes and immediately my first impression of him was shot. What happens next? Hes on an island with the same exact play formation and catches it for a touchdown! God dammit lets go. I went from doom to DAMN! I have a good feeling about a person that has a next play mentality this early in their career. He will do great things for us, be excited. Thibs, you gotta step up. Being a good pass rusher isn’t enough: You have to be GREAT. He doesn’t have to be JPP, but he’s gotta take the next step into the category of legitimate pass rushing pressure. I just think he left a lot on the table his rookie season and i expect much more out of him. I’ve heard nothing from him all of camp up to this point, and thats no good. Prove me wrong and sack daks dumb ass on live television in your home stadium…. no snow angels though.
Fuck it, lets go game by game with crisp and objective analysis:
W: Cowboys- dak is trash and chokes with the crowd noise rising. Close game in the first 3 quarters but it gets out of hand after a forced fumble for a TD.
W: Cardinals- lol cmon
L: 49ers- no reason why we couldn’t win this game, but the team as a whole and their coaching staff is just too fucking good. DOn’t worry, we’ll beat em in the playoffs.
W: Seahawks- Geno Smith back to reality, whoop there goes gravity. All the sudden the seahawks are staring tdownt he barrel of an 0-5 start.
W: Dolphins- great team but the QB is left-handed
L: Bills- Jallen does Jallen things
W: Commies- Howell can’t take the heat of the front 7
W: Jets- JetLife stadium eh? DW little bro you’ll get us next time.
L: Raiders- inexplicably, JimmyG goes the fuck off and D. Adams has another signature 4 TD game. Raiders win after a 3-5 start to their season, shocking the Giants in the Death Star.
L: Cowboys- cowboys wide-outs feast and we can’t keep up, shit happens
W: Commies- Did i mention Howell is trash?
W: Patriots- Bill, you’re a good coach but you’re a trash GM. Thats why your team sucks.
W: Packers- Love is trash, i feel like im the only one who realizes this. We’ve seen him play before… am i on crazy pills?
L: Saints- Saints are gonna fuck this season, look tf out. Nobody is gonna see it coming but they gonna go like 13-4
W: Eagles- Ah, victory! Hurts recedes to the mean following his superbowl loss. At this point he tries like hell extending every play he can and starts to take a toll. By this point in the season hes bruised up a bit and the Giants take advantage. suck it nerds
W: Rams- poor kooper kupp
W: Eagles- Ah, victory! Hurts rece- wait, didn’t i just do this? Hang on: (Checks schedule) Oh, we’re playing the eagles within 3 weeks of eachother? What in the literal fuck dude… why do they do thi- you know what, im getting side-tracked. We beat the eagles again cause theyre trash and its ez lmfao. get rekt kid
so as you can see by my astounding analysis: The New York Football Giants will win the NFCE with a record of 12-5, beating the 49ers in the playoffs. They will then go on to lose to the Saints in the NFC Championship game, who will then go on to lose to the Chargers in the superbowl.
The Giants are winning tonights game. I can feel it. I smell fear. I can’t wait to rip shots, crush beers, yell at my screen, and type away like a chinese school girl after every game. I fuckin love all of yall in this subreddit and i can’t wait for this win tonight. LET EM KNOW. Fuck you and i’ll see you next week.
Oh boy here we go…