The jets are clear Super Bowl favorites after this signing
May 6, 2025
The jets are clear Super Bowl favorites after this signing
17 comments
the jets would use the gorilla as a kicker and still lose almost every game
The only way a gorilla would lose a fight against 100 men is if the gorilla played for the Jets.
*Goodell checks manual*
“Welp…there’s no rule against it.”
Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University have developed a so-called super gorilla. Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, and an IQ of almost 85, and most notably a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be borderline unblockable and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent. You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the New York Jets?
I’d go punter. Gorilla would just eat the ball and run to the endzone. it’s called special teams for a reason.
Fun fact, averaging just 3 cm (1.2 inches), the silverback gorilla has the smallest penis size to body size ratio of any member of the ape family.
Yea but i heard hes a cancer in the locker room
Gorilla breaks all the tackles, runs back to the jets end zone, because he hates the jets. Smashes through the stadium, like donkey kong. Climbs the Empire State Building, screaming, the bills are the only New York team.
If our most popular gorilla plays for Philly next year I’m going to lose sleep.
An NFL 53 man roster vs 1 gorilla in a fight to the death. Who’s winning?
finish poor tua off.
Well it’s the Jets, so they probably signed Harambe..
HARAMBE
Well who’s going to make him practice
Actually, the O-line or D-line alone from any team should have this in the bag.
“And the first ever gorilla to get an ACL injury on the first drive!”
17 comments
the jets would use the gorilla as a kicker and still lose almost every game
The only way a gorilla would lose a fight against 100 men is if the gorilla played for the Jets.
*Goodell checks manual*
“Welp…there’s no rule against it.”
Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University have developed a so-called super gorilla. Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, and an IQ of almost 85, and most notably a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be borderline unblockable and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent. You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the New York Jets?
I’d go punter. Gorilla would just eat the ball and run to the endzone. it’s called special teams for a reason.
Fun fact, averaging just 3 cm (1.2 inches), the silverback gorilla has the smallest penis size to body size ratio of any member of the ape family.
Yea but i heard hes a cancer in the locker room
Gorilla breaks all the tackles, runs back to the jets end zone, because he hates the jets. Smashes through the stadium, like donkey kong. Climbs the Empire State Building, screaming, the bills are the only New York team.
If our most popular gorilla plays for Philly next year I’m going to lose sleep.
An NFL 53 man roster vs 1 gorilla in a fight to the death. Who’s winning?
finish poor tua off.
Well it’s the Jets, so they probably signed Harambe..
HARAMBE
Well who’s going to make him practice
Actually, the O-line or D-line alone from any team should have this in the bag.
“And the first ever gorilla to get an ACL injury on the first drive!”