Ass Tattoo guy here. In honor of the Pirates REPORTEDLY offering Schwarber a contract, I have some mock up tattoos. I will let you degenerates decide which it would be. Open to suggestions.

28 comments

1. Do you tattoo the bottom of toilet bowls?

2. 3rd one. With him with his hands up.

3. 3

4. I like the first one.

5. The 4th one

6. Has anyone sent this to Schwarber? Maybe it helps sway his decision to come here? 🤔

7. I dunno man, I like the last one

8. The last one because it requires just that much more explanation. Why is he a samurai though?

9. Soy jack nutting goes hard fr

10. I was going to say 4 because that captures the “essence” of Bob.

    But five is more visually appealing and creative. So your ass is bowing down to our feudal overlord Bob!

11. If money is close for several teams, why would Schwarber want to come here? Seriously…not contender and after paying him would not get any other players to improve team. No way in hell he decides on the Pirates. Better chance signing some of the Field of Dreams ghost players.

12. 1st one because it’s not slop.

13. How about the photo where he’s looking at the kids shirt from the Sell The Team photo, except instead of looking down at the shirt, he’s [staring right down into your butt hole](https://i.imgur.com/WGK22Re.jpeg)

14. Last one. Bob Hefner.

15. How are you supposed to differentiate any of those tats from your actual ass?

16. 3rd or 4th one for sure. Can’t go wrong with either

17. You need a license plate that says ASSMAN.

18. I would advise against having a tattoo of an image generated by Chat GPT – even for the lulz, because that shit is just sad.

19. Here’s another candidate, I can’t stop laughing at [this one](https://i.imgur.com/SCHiJln.jpeg) and the prompts I had to use to get it just right are pretty comical as well

20. This is all going to end up with them acquiring Jeff McNeil as the big bat upgrade for the offseason isn’t it?

    It totally slipped my mind that he’s the typical (more expensive version) of the usual Piratey pickup.

    Former all star, old at 34, on paper looks like an upgrade (however marginal) that you can sell to the casual fan. Likely to fall off a cliff offensively this coming season.

21. I gotta vote for Nutjak

22. 3

23. #5 and it’s not even close

24. Last one 

25. Samurai Bob

26. I like the last one but meme template for number three is just a perfect distillation of the Nutting Era.

27. Slide 3 the only answer

28. All looks like shitty AI to me