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At the conclusion of Tuesday’s Celtics practice, Joe Mazzulla was asked about a media pickup basketball game that was scheduled for later in the day at the Auerbach Center.

“I don’t know how to break it to you,” Mazzulla told us reporters. “But you’re not playing against each other — you’re playing against the coaches.”

And, true to his word, Mazzulla laced up after Celtics practice concluded — alongside six extremely talented assistant coaches — ready for a Celtics Media vs Celtics Coaches full-court basketball game that was sponsored by the Junior Celtics Academy and New Balance.

Those coaches?

Former NBA players Phil Pressey and DaSean Butler, as well as four former college basketball stars: Fairmont State University’s God Shammgod Jr., Duke University’s Amile Jefferson, Richmond’s Tony Dobbins, and Bucknell’s DJ MacLeay.

The final score?

57-4.

I think you can guess who came out on top.

…

It’s hard to even describe what went down in the game. To describe it as a disaster for us reporters would be an understatement. The sheer gap in athleticism — speed, size, instincts, you name it — felt so insurmountable that I can hardly pinpoint what even went down. I’d love to take a look at a box score, but the amount of live-ball turnovers we accrued would probably make me sick.

What I do know for certain is that the Celtics media conglomerate was so thoroughly outplayed that just getting the ball past halfcourt felt like a victory.

A rebound (I got one!) felt like a touchdown.

Hitting the rim on a shot attempt? Practically a cause for celebration.

It felt like the coaches rarely missed, but special shoutout to player development coach God Shammgod Jr, who was absolutely lights out.

The game served as an (unneeded) reminder of the ridiculous disparity between us regular people and elite athletes. (Believe it or not, there were multiple former college basketball players among us.)

And, it was especially humbling to remember that, as massive as the gap was between the coaching staff and the media, the Celtics players themselves are in a whole other stratosphere.

Team Media scored four points — shoutout to Forbes’ Bobby Krivitisky and Boston.com’s Khari Thompson for finishing their layups — and honestly, if we played that game over 100 times, the final score would round out to about 57-4 every time.

…

Here we were at the Auerbach Center, home of the Boston Celtics. Each and every time I contested a shot or hit the deck diving for a loose ball, I reminded myself where I was and who I was playing against. A couple of times, I picked up Mazzulla himself, just for the hell of it.

Because why wouldn’t you want to guard the Celtics’ head coach?

I fell in love with the game of basketball when I was 11 years old. I always sucked at sports — tennis, volleyball, dodgeball, track, you name it. During gym class, I usually read a book on a mat in the corner, gossiped with friends, or tried to convince my gym teachers to let me go to the library.

True story, I swear. It wasn’t even because I disliked sports; it’s just no fun being absolutely terrible at anything.

But everything changed the first day I saw a basketball go through the net. It took everything, and I mean everything, to get to the point where I got good enough at one sport that I made the high school basketball team.

Making the varsity basketball team was the result of hours on hours of three-point attempts every night (shoutout to my dad for the late-night assists), coupled with an obsessive passion for the sport that I truly believe very few people have ever felt.

My incredibly mediocre high school basketball career remains my most prized accomplishment, no matter what I accomplish in the future. In my senior year, I was on somewhat of a heater for about two months. That stretch of basketball still means everything to me, almost a decade later.

…

I wish I were good enough to play basketball as a job, like the players I cover. I wasn’t even good enough to play in college, a reality that became difficult to reckon with as I neared the end of my senior season (and cried after every game).

But covering the Celtics and the WNBA is not a bad consolation prize. Every day, I pinch myself on my way to “work” because I still can’t fathom that “work” means watching basketball, talking about basketball, and writing about basketball. I’m confident that the gratitude will never fade.

Celtics Coaches vs Celtics Media was probably the most lopsided game of basketball I’ll ever partake in.

It was also the time of my life. I can only hope we do it again.

19 comments

  2. Steph Curry talking about losing Ayesha to tons of random men: “and it was the time of my life”

  3. The Mazulla setup. Now everytime they question his tactics, he’ll remind them they don’t know shit. Wicked Smaht

  8. A great way to remind any overly-critical journalist that there are levels to this. Also probably not bad to bring the media and the team closer

  9. I’m reminded of Brian Scalabrine’s response to a heckler that challenged him to a game of one-on-one: “I’m closer to Lebron than you are to me.”

  10. Man, this is so cool they did this and this write up is well written. I hope that more teams do something like this in the future. I think it helps spread the joy of the game. Some of my happiest moments in life have happened on a basketball court. And sometimes it’s when it’s just me and the ball with headphones in, letting my mind decompress and getting shots up. I think this kind of thing makes NBA teams, staffs, media members all seem more approachable and relatable to the average fan. If I was in any position of fan engagement for a team, I’d push for more activities like this and make sure portions are filmed and promoted to an extent. Different thing, but when wolves had Lavine and Wiggins when they were young and hyped, they did the “dunks after dark” and allowed fans to watch a scrimmage for cheap or free(?). Was a cool memory for many I’m sure. Team draft parties, tie ins with the NBA/WNBA players supporting each other, community events. All good for the game. This coaches vs media could be such a good thing to add to that list moving forward.

  11. Noa is well loved by Celtics fans. Her articles always show the human side of the players and the organization and offers different perspectives most journalists don’t really write about usually. She’s the 🐐

  12. The media team is probably like “Haha we got smoked, but wow what an amazing experience haha! I love covering this team!”

    Probably Mazzula: “I’m ashamed to have shared the court with those miniature basketball players. I’m going to go flog myself as penance for being in such close proximity to their weakness.”

  13. In 10 years there is going to be a documentary of a redeem team that beats the Celtics coaches.

  14. Growing up, I went to 10ish years of school with and played hundreds of hours of pickup/league/school basketball with someone who played D1 in the states and Overseas professionally.

    I was one of the few people in my class even in the same foot-level of height as he was (we were both tall string-beans as kids, I topped out at 6’3” and he kept growing to 6’9”, but when we were 10 we were about the same height…).

    He’s now a player development coach for the Warriors, I’m just here circlejerking on r/NBA.

    One of my favorite basketball memories is the (multiple) time(s) the dude literally jumped over me to dunk while I was trying to contest his shot. One of the most humiliating things ever, but now when I look back; it just brings a big, stupid grin to my face.

    It truly is a humbling, grounding experience to play with folks who are at such a different level of the sport that we all love.

  15. I wish this meant Celtics media would shut up about everything, but that’s never gonna hapoen

  18. Pretty funny to read this after certain commenters in the other thread were white knighting for the media members cause they didn’t get to enjoy playing on the practice court without being humbled.

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