You’re being visited by Buoy the genie who grants you three wishes! Only catch is they have to be used to advance the Kraken through playoffs and bring the cup to Seattle.
What are you wishing for?
38 comments
My three:
1. Bring Dave Hakstol back – Nothing against Lambert, I just think Hakstol had a good vision.
2. A decisive offense – I can’t stand to watch our dump and chase strategy when things aren’t going well. We need to be making decisions faster to win the puck, pass, and fire a SOG.
3. An aggressive defense – our defense has real highs and lows. Keeping a high pressure defense out on the ice would open up those opportunities where we’re losing zone from being more passive.
You need more wishes
1. Collapse by Oilers in round 1.
2. Beat Avs in 7 round 2.
3. Freeeoll to Cup win afterward, Dominux Daccsek gas got this.
You are going to need 16 wishes
1. One or two really solid goal scorers. Panarin or Ovechkin type guy that can finish on the power play and hopefully put up 70+ points per season. Someone who is going to be a consistent scoring threat. I think if they have that they’re in a pretty good spot, especially if it’s a scoring guy who fits well into Lambert’s system.
2. Better injury luck. I mean, knowing everyone could stay healthy consistently would be such a help in playoffs. Very often teams that win cups get lucky when it comes to injuries, and that can make a major difference.
3. Never wearing alternate jerseys again.
To not wake up from that dream.
1: Win the draft lottery and draft a generation talent
2: sign a huge Seahawks/ Mariners fan of a FA who will take a “no tax state / hometown discount”
3 an asteroid hits the east coast eliminating everyone but Columbus’ AHL affiliate.
Step 1: draft some really good guys.
Step 2: buy a couple really good coaches.
Step 3: Build a great team and fan culture
Step 4: Get really lucky
Get rid of their old dead weight and bring in talent that wants to win.
1. Solid Fundamentals
2. Followup shots on goal attemps
3. Special teams superiority
Done
They don’t, we still have a few years before we are even real contenders.
1. Win the 2026 draft lottery
2. Win 2027 draft lottery
3. Don’t fuck up McKenna or DuPont’s development
Everyone becomes healthy. Quinn Hughes decides to sign with the Kraken in the off-season. We beat buffalo so badly today that Tage Thompson demands a trade to become our 1C so everyone else can slot down.
Get at least 1 perennial all-star/superstar that 1)The team can market 2) Can bring other talent to Seattle to be line mates. Matty B isnt going to be that guy
1. Enough points to make post season
2. 16 post season wins
We need only the best of water-aligned Etsy witches.
Take a hero dose of melatonin and ride the wave of that fever dream
Buy all other 31 teams and have them forfeit every game
31 other teams go on IR
1. PEDs
2. good luck talismans
3. shoot the puck more and better
Everyone would need to burn their alternate jerseys. Get a burning barrel, some lighter fluid and throw those jerseys into the flames.
1. score 3+ goals per game
2. don’t get scored on more than we score
3. me, a beer
How far can said wishes go? We could go crazy with something like Daccord scoring 50 goals in 39 games!
Be another team from now through the final.
Buy tickets?
1. Goals
2. Goals
3. Goals
1. Kraken win every game.
2. I get lifetime tickets
3. I get lifetime unlimited access to all gameday sustinance
1. McDavid
2. MacKinnon
3. Makar
Okay if we’re talking *realistic* wishes then it’d be more like:
1. Trade away a few older pieces with value for high end draft picks and/or prospects
2. Win the draft lottery and draft a generational player (like one of those 3 guys). Ideally a goal scoring forward
3. Acquire a big name player in his prime either through trade or free agency that can put this team on his back and be our best player for the next 5+ years
If the Kraken ever do win the Stanley Cup, it won’t be with any players currently in the organization. They have no skaters, no puck handlers, no shooters and lack any kind of physicality. So you are looking at at least 10 to 12 years before this team can realistically be ready to contend for a cup. And that is everything goes right.
A good start would be teach our guys how to pass and handle the puck! F’n abysmal puck handling tonight. Too many turnovers in our own zone.
Witchcraft
By trying in a different season
I miss Buoy with the playoff beard
By scoring more goals than their opponents.
Rebuild from the ground up with some real star players
For a new mascot (both physical representation as well as name).
38 comments
My three:
1. Bring Dave Hakstol back – Nothing against Lambert, I just think Hakstol had a good vision.
2. A decisive offense – I can’t stand to watch our dump and chase strategy when things aren’t going well. We need to be making decisions faster to win the puck, pass, and fire a SOG.
3. An aggressive defense – our defense has real highs and lows. Keeping a high pressure defense out on the ice would open up those opportunities where we’re losing zone from being more passive.
You need more wishes
1. Collapse by Oilers in round 1.
2. Beat Avs in 7 round 2.
3. Freeeoll to Cup win afterward, Dominux Daccsek gas got this.
You are going to need 16 wishes
1. One or two really solid goal scorers. Panarin or Ovechkin type guy that can finish on the power play and hopefully put up 70+ points per season. Someone who is going to be a consistent scoring threat. I think if they have that they’re in a pretty good spot, especially if it’s a scoring guy who fits well into Lambert’s system.
2. Better injury luck. I mean, knowing everyone could stay healthy consistently would be such a help in playoffs. Very often teams that win cups get lucky when it comes to injuries, and that can make a major difference.
3. Never wearing alternate jerseys again.
To not wake up from that dream.
1: Win the draft lottery and draft a generation talent
2: sign a huge Seahawks/ Mariners fan of a FA who will take a “no tax state / hometown discount”
3 an asteroid hits the east coast eliminating everyone but Columbus’ AHL affiliate.
Step 1: draft some really good guys.
Step 2: buy a couple really good coaches.
Step 3: Build a great team and fan culture
Step 4: Get really lucky
Get rid of their old dead weight and bring in talent that wants to win.
1. Solid Fundamentals
2. Followup shots on goal attemps
3. Special teams superiority
Done
They don’t, we still have a few years before we are even real contenders.
1. Win the 2026 draft lottery
2. Win 2027 draft lottery
3. Don’t fuck up McKenna or DuPont’s development
Everyone becomes healthy. Quinn Hughes decides to sign with the Kraken in the off-season. We beat buffalo so badly today that Tage Thompson demands a trade to become our 1C so everyone else can slot down.
Get at least 1 perennial all-star/superstar that 1)The team can market 2) Can bring other talent to Seattle to be line mates. Matty B isnt going to be that guy
1. Enough points to make post season
2. 16 post season wins
https://preview.redd.it/o4n4jznut97g1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4dc23418f94c8471ac1938d37ec6d7b93cbcf70a
We need only the best of water-aligned Etsy witches.
Take a hero dose of melatonin and ride the wave of that fever dream
Buy all other 31 teams and have them forfeit every game
31 other teams go on IR
1. PEDs
2. good luck talismans
3. shoot the puck more and better
Everyone would need to burn their alternate jerseys. Get a burning barrel, some lighter fluid and throw those jerseys into the flames.
1. score 3+ goals per game
2. don’t get scored on more than we score
3. me, a beer
How far can said wishes go? We could go crazy with something like Daccord scoring 50 goals in 39 games!
Be another team from now through the final.
Buy tickets?
1. Goals
2. Goals
3. Goals
1. Kraken win every game.
2. I get lifetime tickets
3. I get lifetime unlimited access to all gameday sustinance
1. McDavid
2. MacKinnon
3. Makar
Okay if we’re talking *realistic* wishes then it’d be more like:
1. Trade away a few older pieces with value for high end draft picks and/or prospects
2. Win the draft lottery and draft a generational player (like one of those 3 guys). Ideally a goal scoring forward
3. Acquire a big name player in his prime either through trade or free agency that can put this team on his back and be our best player for the next 5+ years
If the Kraken ever do win the Stanley Cup, it won’t be with any players currently in the organization. They have no skaters, no puck handlers, no shooters and lack any kind of physicality. So you are looking at at least 10 to 12 years before this team can realistically be ready to contend for a cup. And that is everything goes right.
A good start would be teach our guys how to pass and handle the puck! F’n abysmal puck handling tonight. Too many turnovers in our own zone.
Witchcraft
By trying in a different season
I miss Buoy with the playoff beard
By scoring more goals than their opponents.
Rebuild from the ground up with some real star players
For a new mascot (both physical representation as well as name).
The other two wishes I’ll keep to myself.
By winning 16 games in the playoffs.