Zachary Kleiman, if you’re listening, there is one guy worth going all in on in this league: Saint Simon the Martyr
In a year where injuries have dominated the Grizzlies and the league in general, this is the man you want on your bench.
I’m not a Catholic, but these trying times have got me looking to higher powers for answers and the Catholics look like they got a guy built to fill in all the gaps on our squad.
The lowest concentration of Catholics in the US can be found directly in Mississippi, Tennessee, and Arkansas. It’s obvious we don’t have nearly enough fans praying to Sebastian.
Just look at what Seb’s done New England, where the most practicing Catholics in the country live: the Celtics were set up to be the worst team in the East this year after losing Tatum, now they are in strong playoff contention and Tatum is expected to be miraculously back on the court before the postseason.
Coincidence? I think not!
Don’t believe in Seb? Here’s some of his stats:
-Doesn’t let injuries take him out of the game; was tied to a tree, shot with hundreds of arrows, and managed to recover in a few days to get back to hooping
-Prevents DNPs and great for the fanbase: after canonization protected thousands from the bubonic plague just for praying to him
-Unparalleled positive bench presence: is the Patron Saint of Athletes, recovery, disabled people (IR), archers (shooters), and soldiers (dawgs)
-Longevity: literally was born in 255 and still has millions of fans and making waves across the league
Idk who you have to contact to get Saint Seb to FedEx Forum, but he’s worth the entire picks treasure chest and just about everyone on the team not named John Konchar.
Have some faith Kleiman. We need Jesus.
3 comments
Already named my son after him as tribute. Sky’s the limit now
I have seen enough
