Last week, the competitive portion of the 2025 Minnesota Twins season came to a close with a drubbing against Boston and then, somehow, even a worse drubbing courtesy of the Pohlad ownership group. Barring the biggest miracle since 1980 Lake Placid, this will be another lost season for the Twins and their fanbase.
Back in the 1990s, David Letterman became Late Nite famous for his Top Ten lists. So, before The Late Show (now under Stephen Colbert management) goes off the air next year, I present to you…
Top Ten Ways to Enjoy a Lost Twins Season
10. Get to know ‘em—again. You know those stacks of programs lying around at Target Field? You may actually need one now.
Because I’m sure you knew an Erasmo Ramirez existed before the other day Getty Images
9. The 1965 World Series reunion celebration on Saturday, August 16. Tony Oliva (amongst others) deserves the biggest roar imaginable when he makes an entrance.
8. Byron Buxton chasing a sphere down in the gap and then smacking it into the third deck the next half-inning. Joe Ryan bamboozling batters with his assortment of fastballs that all look slightly different. Pablo Lopez out-smarting batsmen pitch by pitch. Matt Wallner reaching Thome Territory. In other words: the athletic feats of fast-twitch muscle fibers that are wonders to behold.
Always worth it! Getty Images
7. Less traffic to 1 Twins Way and room to roam. No more being stuck next to the man-spreader or other potentially-sweaty seat partners. Relax and enjoy the game like you were back in the Metrodome (minus, you know, the blimps, baggies, and victories).
6. The stubs are cheaper too! If you ever want the opportunity to sit at club level or snag a chair rows from the action, this is your best opportunity to do so. Bring your glove—the competition for foul balls will also be significantly decreased.
A lot of open pasture MLB Photos via Getty Images
5. If you completely drop-out now, you’ll miss the late-season pennant races around both leagues, as well as individual feats like Cal “Big Dumper” Raleigh’s incredible catcher HR pursuit, Aaron Judge & Mike Trout closing in on moonshot milestones (350 & 400, respectively), and Shohei Ohtani’s simple continued existence.
4. The end of baseball = the end of summer—and who wants that? Fall may be fun, but to quote Vin Scully in For Love of the Game: “push the sun back up in the sky and give us one more day of summer”. That’s what every baseball game does.
3. You may see something you’ve never witnessed before, like (speaking from experience): a Byron Buxton cycle, a triple play, a walk-off bunt, a walk-off BB, a near-no hitter from the likes of J.A. Happ, or a DaShawn Keirsey Jr. home run. I don’t care how buried your team is in the standings—those moments will make you cheer!
Almost as exciting as the Bartolo Colon home run! Getty Images
2. The great community here at Twinkie Town. Crack jokes, share memes/gifs, and commiserate with a bunch of Twins die-hards. We’re here for it all.
1. It’s baseball—and baseball is a wonderful sport. According to no less an authority than The Sultan of Swat—The Colossus of Clout—The Behemoth of Bust (his was a pre-Sydney Sweeney era)—The Maharajah of Mash—The Great Bambino—George Herman “Babe” Ruth: “Baseball was, is, and always will be—to me—the greatest game in the world”. How can anyone argue with that?!
‘Twas never a man who had more fun playing baseball than the Babe
Would I trade all this for a playoff chase? In the blink of an eye. But until we scrape up enough dough to buy the team and go Little Big League on the bit, we are subject to its whims and (once again) need to make lemonade from the sour citrus we’ve been given.