Twins Daily has exclusively found what appears to be the most shocking revelation of the summer: Joe Pohlad, the team’s Executive Chair, has been running a burner account on X (formerly Twitter). While it’s not uncommon for athletes to have secret accounts to clap back at critics, it’s a bit more unusual when the owner of a professional baseball team does the same.

Through advanced forensic journalism (read: we noticed the account only follows Byron Buxton, Chipotle, and the Timberwolves), we’ve pieced together what appears to be a treasure trove of digital breadcrumbs that point directly to Pohlad. Below are some of the best posts from @DefinitelyNotJoePohlad47, an account with six followers; a default egg profile picture; and a suspicious tendency to defend the ownership group at all costs.

The Fire Sale Spin
@DefinitelyNotJoePohlad47: Everyone’s mad about the “fire sale,” but let’s call it what it is: a “fireworks sale.” BOOM. Exciting prospects! BANG. Payroll flexibility! KA-POW. Hope for 2029! 🔥💥 #TrustThePohladProcess

Yes, nothing screams “competitive window” like fireworks scheduled for half a decade from now. Also, payroll flexibility is just code for the ownership group needed to pay off their $400 million in debt. 

Building Up the Brand
@DefinitelyNotJoePohlad47: Some fans don’t get it: the Pohlad family is the most dedicated group in baseball. They gave you Target Field, complete with a Prince-themed dance party, and a $14 hot dog. What else do you people want?

Honestly, hard to argue with the Prince dance party. But it does raise the question: Can even Purple Rain wash away the sting of a 90-loss season?

Keeping the Franchise in the Family
@DefinitelyNotJoePohlad47: Fans wanted the Pohlads to sell? To WHO? Some “tech billionaire” from California? No thanks. Only the Pohlads understand the sacred art of running a team with a below average payroll every year. Tradition matters.

Hard to argue against tradition. The Twins have been falling short of expectations since before half the (shrinking) fan base was born.

Rebranding Disappointment
@DefinitelyNotJoePohlad47: “Mediocrity” is such a harsh word. I prefer “consistently humble.” 💜 #Blessed #WhereYourFeetAre

It’s unclear if Pohlad has trademarked “consistently humble,” but don’t be surprised if you see it on a billboard off I-94 next season.

Responding to Criticism
@DefinitelyNotJoePohlad47: People always say, “Sell the team!” Okay, but imagine how sad you’d be if the Pohlads didn’t get to pass this franchise down to the next three generations of Pohlads. Think about the children! #Legacy

The good news: Legacy does last forever. The bad news: so do screenshots.

If you ever stumble across an account defending the sanctity of family ownership, praising the glory of a 20th-ranked payroll, or reminding you that “we still have Buxton under contract for a long time,” don’t be surprised if it’s coming from the very top of the organizational ladder.

After all, in an age where transparency is rare, it’s refreshing to know the team’s Executive Chair might be secretly tweeting from his couch, reminding us that everything is fine—so long as you don’t look too closely (or at all, perhaps) at the standings.