“Familiarity” was the buzzword as the Minnesota Twins narrowed the search for their next manager—not just with the team itself, but with the philosophy that ownership operates under.
“Derek Shelton not only has experience with the team, but he also has experience with a team that’s completely starved for resources and a fan base that alternates between alienated and apathetic,” said a front office source. “He just gets it.”
Shelton, Minnesota’s former bench coach and Pittsburgh’s manager from 2020-2025, will be the team’s next manager, they confirmed in a Thursday press release.
“We don’t currently have what some of the advanced stat guys call ‘a bullpen,’” said the source. “Some of these new-school managers might demand we make some moves and improve our roster, at the expense of profitability. Shelton’s been beaten down for years. He knows better than to even ask.”
Minnesota, which has drastically trimmed payroll since defeating current World Series favorite Toronto in the 2023 American League playoffs, is coming off a season wherein they also parted with 40% of their active roster at the trade deadline. Rumors abound that core starting pitchers Pablo López and Joe Ryan will be next to go, further reducing the team’s financial commitments.
“If we part with López and/or Ryan, there will no doubt be some negative nellies who come to Target Field just to yell ‘Sell the Team’ at us,” said the source. “Shelton has been hearing that for years now. He won’t even flinch; he’ll just keep an unproven starter out there for another three innings of hot slop before bringing in a reliever who’s even worse. This is a man who understands the assignment.
“We’re excited about the emotional and professional calluses he’s developed to withstand a total lack of spending and wobbly infrastructure.”
While the source refused to speculate on any scenario where the Twins would spend money on improving the on-field product, he did allow that if the corporate real estate market turned around, a lumbering corner outfielder with a bad arm could be in play—if the price is right.
“People say the two sweetest words in baseball are ‘Opening Day,’ but the seven sweetest are ‘minimum salary and an extensive injury history.’ It rolls off the tongue.”
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