Amidst the news of the Twins’ restructured ownership group, Twinkie Town has confirmed that Santa Claus has been named a limited partner in the team.
“Mr. Claus is a well-known name and has been running his toymaking business for millennia,” new executive chairman Tom Pohlad said. “When we announced stakes were for sale, he reached out to the family. The Pohlad family is excited to welcome him to the business of baseball and looks forward to the relentless spark he adds as we relentlessly seek a championship.”
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Claus’ percentage of the team is uncertain, but he has been granted a seat on the executive board. It is unclear as to whether he intends to take that seat himself or appoint a representative from the North Pole.
“The responsibilities of overseeing the workshop year-round may prevent him from assuming full executive function,” Pohlad said. “We are in communication to determine whether he can spare an elf, perhaps a reindeer — they’re only needed one night a year.”
Although business records are confidential, Twinkie Town has learned that the deal includes no provisions regarding the Pohlads’ placement on Claus’ naughty-or-nice list.
“We are an operation of integrity,” a Kringle Enterprises spokeself said. “Mr. Claus would not consider any opportunity if there were any hint of unfairness regarding his delivery of gifts. What would the children of the world think if anyone should buy their way out of a stockingful of coal?”
The spokeself also stated that Twins fans should not fear a relocation as Minnesota is already cold enough.