Happy Monday, Razzball faithful!
It was a busy few days for your favorite Roto-Writing Dad, so I contemplated taking the week off.
Instead, I switched up this week’s format so we could still get some information out and (hopefully) give you fantastic fantasy followers a smidge of entertainment in the process.
Old MarmosDad has one of those milestone birthdays coming up (on the same day as Miles Mikolas!), so this past Saturday was a party of sorts with a bunch of old friends. Then, yesterday, my two Marm-offspring and I headed to the big city to catch Uncle Neil Young for their first-ever big-time concert.
Marmos is your one-stop shop for crisp pitching rankings and fuzzy photos.
This will launch on Monday afternoon, and I can say, with absolute certainty, that I will have been in much better shape after this iteration of Neil Young than I was when I saw him last, with Oasis, nearly 30 years ago (August 31, 1996). Let’s just say there’s a story that doesn’t need to be told here about that one, but that there was a certain poetic irony that went down right when Neil sang that opening line from “Helpless”. EDIT: Dad finished the night/morning with no setbacks.
If you want to hop into the DeLorean again and see if you can recapture some of that mid-’90s mojo, you can check out my Back To The Future write-up from last week here. I can’t promise it’ll bring you back to good old 1995 without a fistful of plutonium stuffed into your backpack for the return trip, though.
Cool story, Marmos, but wtf does this have to do with baseball?
Ya, I get it. But I promise you, I can connect the dots here.
Today, it’s Omemee, Ontario’s favorite son, stepping in as the muse for the “Dog Days of Summer Awards Show” theme. Each highly sought-after medal of honor finds its roots in the name of a Neil Young song.
We’ll list a few nominees for each prestigious accolade. Then we’ll anoint an unarguable and definitive winner based on flawlessly scoured empirical data and in-depth statistical analysis.
Or something like that.
And don’t worry, List Hounds! You’ll get yer ‘dog days’ names and numbers this week, too. (Just with no notes to carve up!).
Let’s get to it.
“Old Man” (from Harvest – 1972)
The name is pretty self-explanatory. Which “more experienced” veterans have given us our biggest return on investment through the madness that was the first 20+ weeks of Fantasy Baseball? The only requirement here is that each nominee has started at least 5 games…and has celebrated at least 35 birthdays!
Nominees: Max Scherzer (41), Clayton Kershaw (37), Rich Hill (45), Justin Verlander (42), Charlie Morton (41), Yu Darvish (38), Jacob deGrom (37).
Unnecessary Commentary: I was all set to give our first-ever “Old Man” award to Clayton Kershaw, especially after his performance in the Flux KerScherzer game on Friday, August 8th. Then I stuck to the 35-year-old requirement and realized that a certain Texas Rangers pitcher blows the rest of the oldies away.
Winner: 140.1 IP, 148 Ks, 10-5 record. ERA at 2.76, WHIP at 0.93 – Jacob deGrom.
This tune is a favorite of mine, mostly because I have a video somewhere of my eldest singing it one summer before he turned 4.
Check the bottom of the page for the most recent rendition from Mr. Young – one that the MiniMarmos were very excited to hear last night.
“The Needle and the Damage Done” (Harvest – 1972)
This one could be interpreted a couple of different ways, so let’s outline it first. This list is filled with Starting Pitchers that have been easy to poke fun at because of the damage they’ve done to the ratios of our 2025 fantasy teams.
Nominees: Roger Clemens (just kidding!), Sandy Alcantara, Zac Gallen, Taj Bradley, Brandon Pfaadt.
Winner: Sandy Alcantara
It’s easy to ‘needle’ starters who struggle. Giving a starting pitcher a hard time when he’s struggling isn’t nice, but in this case, and with these guys, the damage is already done whether we’re Razzing them or not. With that all said, it’s tough not to pick Sandy as the arm that I would trust the most from this list through the rest of the season. For what it’s worth, I don’t know if that’s a compliment.
“Keep On Rockin’ in the Free World” (Freedom – 1989)
My kids were troopers last night, but they conked out before we could get to the encore. Friends said that Neil finished the show with this fan favorite, one that everyone was looking forward to, which parallels nicely with this list. On our way out, we asked a nice couple beside us to make sure they rocked out twice as hard to make up for our absence.
Which Starting Pitchers were we looking forward to seeing produce well and give us our best “Return-On-Investment” from draft season? Who was “free” to draft, started hot, and has kept on rockin’ all season long for the squad?
Nominations (with NFBC ADP in parentheses): Edward Cabrera (418), Eric Lauer (450), Jacob Lopez (451), Adrian Houser (452), Eury Perez (454),
Winner: Eury Perez. As much as I’d like to give this to someone like Nathan Eovaldi (208), Big Nate’s already hit the podium today. Eury’s comeback has more than paid off for those who took a late flier on the much-maligned Marlin way back during the draft season. He went even later in the RazzSlam ADP, where we drafted a total of 504 players in each league (12 teams X 42 roster spots). When you’re producing like this, and your ADP data has you nestled between Gus Varland and Valente Ballozo, this one speaks for itself.
Honorable mention: Brandon Woodruff (248).
“Heart of Gold” (Harvest – 1972)
Does being a nice guy count for fantasy baseball, or do these guys still finish last? I’m not sure, but either way, we’re headed back to that Harvest album for this one.
Nominees: Chris Bassitt, Jesus Luzardo, Shohei Ohtani, Freddie Freeman.
This is a list that could be a lot longer than it is here. As great as it is to see Starting Pitchers getting involved with their teams, from Bassitt donating $10K to the Jays Care Foundation for every one of his wins, to Jesus Luzardo sending $100 for each strikeout to the Boys and Girls Club of Philly, I don’t think we’ll get much pushback for our “nicest guy in baseball” award. Just beating out teammate Freddie Freeman here is a feat in itself!
Winner: Shohei Ohtani. I mean…Come on.
“Cortez The Killer” (Zuma – 1975 – with Crazy Horse)
Which player is the one that you avoid adding or promoting to the active roster, no matter if he’s in the rotation or bullpen, because you know he’s a team ratio killer?
Winner: Nestor. Um…duh.
“Helpless & The Loner” (Deja Vu – 1970) & (Solo debut album – 1968)
It’s a mashed-together remix of melancholy for this one. Which pitchers have had little to no help all year and have pitched much better than their win/loss records indicate? Whose team has provided the fewest runs of offense, giving them less support than a crutch made of Ramen noodles? Helpless is a bit of a cheat as it’s written by Neil, but considered a Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young classic.
Nominees (with runs per start in parentheses): Yoshinobu Yamamoto (2.78), Paul Skenes (2.98), Michael Wacha (2.98), Mitch Keller (3.56).
Winner: It’s a Tie! And mostly because it makes sense to group them – Paul Skenes and Mitch Keller.
“Cinnamon Girl” (Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere – 1969)
If any of you have seen or at least heard of the “Cinnamon Challenge”, this one will make sense to you.
These are the starting pitchers whose performances have been very tough to swallow and may have made you gag and/or vomit a bit when you had to watch them pitch for your fantasy teams. If you have no idea what I’m referring to, you can check the MythBusters clip below.
Wait, what exactly is the cinnamon challenge?
Nominees: Gavin Williams, Clay Holmes, Jose Soriano, Zac Gallen, Shane Baz.
I cherry-picked the worst (qualified) starters with the most atrocious K-BB rates for this one. It is one of our toughest competitions for a vomit-induced dry heave, but the winner is…
Shane Baz.
When you’re charging towards the money spots in an AL-Only league, and you’re sitting an SP even when his matchups aren’t all that bad…that’s about as big a barf emoji as we can get here.
“Like A Hurricane” (American Stars N’ Bars – 1977)
Which younger pitchers swooped in this year and took the league by storm?
Nominees: Jacob Misiorowski, Chase Burns, Jackson Jobe, Noah Cameron, Shane Smith, Cade Horton.
Winner: Our All-Star week lede, Jacob Misiorowski.
“Southern Man” (After The Gold Rush – 1970)
This one was my most listened to album by Neil Young, despite it being released much earlier than I was (I’m not that old).
Which “Southern” team’s starter has been the best of the 2025 bunch?
Nominees: Chris Sale, Seth Lugo, Sonny Gray, Nathan Eovaldi, Hunter Brown, Framber Valdez.
I left deGrom out of here intentionally, so he doesn’t load up on multiple awards. This is the tightest vote of them all, as each of these pitchers can lay claim to being close to the best in the league at some point in the season.
Winner: Framber Valdez – the quality starts and consistency pushes Framber a millimetre ahead of Nathan Eovaldi and Hunter Brown at the finish line here.
“Look Out For My Love” (Comes A Time – 1978 with Crazy Horse OR Chrome Dreams – 1977/2023)
You can tap one of two different albums for this one. The Chrome Dreams record is a compilation of tunes from 1975-1977 that weren’t released until 2023.
Which arms did we love heading into the season and needed the Roto-Gods to keep “looking out for”?
Nominations: Paul Skenes, George Kirby, Shota Imanaga, Bryan Woo, Nick Lodolo, Gavin Williams.
All of these guys were Starting Pitchers that I was in on in the first list of the year (way back on February 10th).
Winner: Bryan Woo. Because, of course, it is. But when you’re setting an MLB record with 24 consecutive 6+-inning starts with 2 or fewer walks in each one? Yeah, that checks out.
But let’s not lose sight of the real reason why many of you are here:
*Not including results from Sunday’s games*
SP RANK
Name
Team
1
Tarik Skubal
DET
2
Garrett Crochet
BOS
3
Paul Skenes
PIT
4
Yoshinobu Yamamoto
LAD
5
Bryan Woo
SEA
6
Tyler Glasnow
LAD
7
Jacob deGrom
TEX
8
Joe Ryan
MIN
9
Freddy Peralta
MLW
10
Logan Webb
SF
11
Blake Snell
LAD
12
Framber Valdez
HOU
13
Hunter Brown
HOU
14
George Kirby
SEA
15
Logan Gilbert
SEA
16
Nathan Eovaldi
TEX
17
Cristopher Sanchez
PHI
18
Max Fried
NYY
19
Robbie Ray
SF
20
Carlos Rodon
NYY
21
Nick Pivetta
SD
22
Shota Imanaga
CHC
23
Brandon Woodruff
MLW
24
Dylan Cease
SD
25
Hunter Greene
CIN
26
Sonny Gray
STL
27
Trevor Rogers
BAL
28
MacKenzie Gore
WSH
29
Matthew Boyd
CHC
30
Ranger Suarez
PHI
31
Eury Perez
MIA
32
Luis Castillo
SEA
33
Spencer Strider
ATL
34
Seth Lugo
KC
35
Jesus Luzardo
PHI
36
Andrew Abbott
CIN
37
Edward Cabrera
MIA
38
Noah Cameron
KC
39
Kodai Senga
NYM
40
Will Warren
NYY
41
Ryan Pepiot
TB
42
Lucas Giolito
BOS
43
Sean Manaea
NYM
44
Jack Flaherty
DET
45
Merrill Kelly
TEX
46
Brayan Bello
BOS
47
Drew Rasmussen
TB
48
Quinn Priester
MLW
49
Casey Mize
DET
50
Jacob Lopez
ATH
51
Cade Horton
CHC
52
Jacob Misiorowski
MLW
53
Gavin Williams
CLE
54
Max Scherzer
TOR
55
Kevin Gausman
TOR
56
Mitch Keller
PIT
57
Yusei Kikuchi
LAA
58
David Peterson
NYM
59
Yu Darvish
SD
60
Tanner Bibee
CLE
61
Shane Bieber
TOR
62
Clay Holmes
NYM
63
Luis Gil
NYY
64
Jose Berrios
TOR
65
Jose Soriano
LAA
66
Cam Schlittler
NYY
67
Justin Verlander
SF
68
Ryne Nelson
ARI
69
Shane Baz
TB
70
Emmett Sheehan
LAD
71
Clayton Kershaw
LAD
72
Zack Littell
CIN
73
Spencer Arrighetti
HOU
74
Michael Wacha
KC
75
Zebby Matthews
MIN
76
Shohei Ohtani
LAD
77
Eric Lauer
TOR
78
Chris Bassitt
TOR
79
Brady Singer
CIN
80
Jose Quintana
MLW
81
Jeffrey Springs
ATH
82
Sandy Alcantara
MIA
83
Adrian Houser
TB
84
Charlie Morton
DET
85
Colin Rea
CHC
86
Bailey Ober
MIN
87
Joe Boyle
TB
88
Bryce Miller
SEA
89
Slade Cecconi
CLE
90
Jack Leiter
TEX
91
Zac Gallen
ARI
92
Matthew Liberatore
STL
93
Michael McGreevy
STL
94
Nick Martinez
CIN
95
Chris Paddack
DET
96
Shane Smith
CWS
97
Hurston Waldrep
ATL
98
Dustin May
BOS
99
Brandon Pfaadt
ARI
100
Troy Melton
DET
STUMPERS (These names might stump you as to why they aren’t on the Top 100…yet. Some of these guys are close).
Nestor Cortes
Dean Kremer
Cade Povich
Brandon Young
Cristian Javier – pitched well in his return from injury last week.
Jake Irvin
Joey Cantillo
Eduardo Rodriguez
Jameson Taillon
Tyler Anderson
Brad Lord
Cade Cavalli
Tomoyuki Sugano
Jason Alexander – He’ll replace Nick Martinez if the Reds starter heads to the bullpen.
Landen Roupp – I almost pulled Misiorowski off this week and put him in the holding tank with the Roupp-dogg for another start or two.
Noah McLean – I mentioned him a couple of weeks ago in my Rest-of-Season NL-Only rankings, and Grey had him as his Thursday morning lede.
BUMPERS (Injured starters or minor league guys who could or would bump others off the list if they were active on the big league roster).
Cole Ragans
Spencer Schwellenbach
Shane McClanahan – can surgery be season-ending if the guy’s season never started in the first place? Insert pensive emoji here.
Jared Jones
Gerrit Cole
Justin Steele
John Means
Grant Holmes
Griffin Canning
Reese Olson
Grayson Rodriguez
Aaron Nola – scheduled to return yesterday.
Jackson Jobe
Andrew Painter
Bubba Chandler
Tyler Mahle
Pablo Lopez
Tylor Megill
Chris Sale
Ryan Weathers
Clarke Schmidt
Logan Henderson
Corbin Burnes
Max Meyer
Michael King – IL with knee inflammation. That was a fun week. Smh.
Chase Burns – Ugh. Elbow flexor strain. “Best case scenario” is a minimum IL stint.
Zack Wheeler – My, My, Hey, Hey. This heartbreaker is here to stay. Take Burns’ Ugh and multiply it by a kajillion? A shoulder blood clot takes out our NL Cy Young front-runner at a terrible time for our H2H managers.
WHEE (New arrivals to the list this week)
Shane Smith
Michael McGreevy
Huston Waldrep (the first, not third)
Dustin May – I get the feeling that he’s the new Taillon/Taill-off-the-list guy each week.
Troy Melton
OOF (Stumbled or were replaced by others in the list this week)
Janson Junk
Andrew Heaney
Chase Burns – IL
Zack Wheeler – IL
Michael King – IL
And I’ve got one last nod before we leave for the week. While many of the above albums predate even me, they’ve got my kids by more than 50 years.
But that doesn’t stop us from enjoying the music.
That’s all for this week! I hope you enjoyed it! If you’re feeling extra fired up about some of the names I do (or don’t) have here, drop some comments in the chat. Have a great week!
Follow me @marmosdad on Twitter/X and Bluesky @marmosdad.bsky.social