When it comes to loyalty, few fans can match Twins Daily’s own John Bonnes. He’s the kind of season ticket holder who has been racking up loyalty rewards points all summer. Those precious tokens that, in theory, convert into gift cards, merch discounts, and maybe even a reason to keep paying for 81 home games a year.

But when Bonnes went to cash in those points during the final homestand, he learned a hard truth: the Twins had quietly removed the concession gift card option. Suddenly, his months of loyalty translated not into hot dogs and beers, but into… what? A tote bag? A commemorative keychain? A sense of existential dread?

Bonnes aired his grievances on social media, and on KFAN’s morning show that got the hosts buzzing about it. The backlash was swift enough that the Twins backtracked, sheepishly restoring the gift card option like a kid sneaking the broken lamp back onto the shelf. But make no mistake: the damage had been done. That concession perk cost the team a couple bucks, and now the front office is scheming about how to claw that money back from the most loyal fans.

Bring Your Own Toilet Paper Night
We’ve all heard of “Fan Appreciation Night,” but the Twins are reportedly exploring a more budget-conscious option: “BYOTP.” You can bring in your own peanuts, your own Cracker Jack, and now, your own toilet paper. The stadium will still provide stalls, but the team’s accountants are hoping fans shoulder the, uh, rest. Need to go number two? That’s on you. Think of it as an immersive, frontier-style experience. Target Field is basically just Little House on the Prairie with better lighting.

DIY Scoreboard Animations
The Twins’ production crew has been told to scale back on those fun “Kiss Cam” and “Flex Cam” graphics. Instead, season ticket holders will be issued whiteboards and dry erase markers upon entry. Want to propose on the big screen? Hope your handwriting is legible from Section 334.

Cut-Rate Fireworks
You thought postgame fireworks were safe? Think again. The team has reportedly reached a handshake agreement with a local gas station manager to supply sparklers and maybe a couple of Roman candles. Don’t worry, the “fireworks” will still be synchronized to music, assuming your cousin remembered to bring his Bluetooth speaker.

Ballpark Cuisine, Minimalism Style
The club is also experimenting with a cost-saving concession model. For example: nachos. Rather than a tray, you’ll now get a single chip placed lovingly on a napkin with a dollop of cold cheese sauce. The $11 price tag remains, but hey, they’ll throw in a jalapeño slice if you hit your loyalty point quota.

Revenge or Genius?
The Twins will say these “enhancements” are about sustainability, or fan engagement, or some other buzzword. But make no mistake, this is about revenge. They had to give Twins Geek his gift card back, and now the rest of us are left holding the (very empty) bag.

But who knows…maybe BYOTP will catch on. At the very least, it’ll make Target Field bathrooms the most honest reflection yet of being a Twins fan: you have to do all the dirty work yourself.