Dear Santa,

We have been such good fans this year! Please, please, please bring us some presents. Sure, we haven’t been perfect; we have been known to complain about the state of the team. ESPN just said that we are the most aggrieved fanbase in baseball. But it comes from love, we promise! All we want is to win and to know that ownership cares, too. It’s been a hard couple of years, and a lot of our friends are having a tough time with it. Anyway, I know you are always watching us and have seen us going to games, watching on TV (now that we can do that again), and buying Byron Buxton jerseys. So, we deserve some presents, right? And we don’t really want too much; just a few things.

Let’s begin with the offseason. For starters, we really need two relievers. We know Derek Falvey got rid of all of our old ones. Maybe he thinks we don’t like relievers anymore? You know the truth, though, right? We love relievers. We want to see them every day! Unless Pablo Lopez throws a complete game, but we aren’t greedy. We don’t even need the best relievers. Just ones we won’t be embarrassed to show the other teams when they come to visit. Maybe Seranthony Dominguez and Danny Coulombe? That couldn’t be too expensive for the Twins, could it?

Next, we are asking for another good bat. Jeremy Zoll said that he wanted another impact bat or two, so that’s almost a promise, right? If it’s not too much trouble, it would be nice if he were right-handed to make platooning a bit more successful and prevent our excess lefties from having to face tough southpaws. They aren’t very good at that. You know that, right? We have been watching Marcell Ozuna for a long time. Maybe he would like to come play for the Twins.

Finally, please make sure the Twins trade Trevor Larnach for whatever they can get, and designate James Outman for assignment. Those guys are nice and all, but they don’t really fit in with the rest of the team, and they prevent the Twins from being as fun as they could be.

Santa, you probably know this already, but if you can’t find the right free agents to make the team good in 2026, it’s ok if the Twins have to trade someone. Simeon Woods Richardson probably makes sense if the Twins could trade him for Coby Mayo or another young first baseman. We would really like not to have to sign a new one every single year.

Santa, we think you would agree, if you gave us those things, the offseason wouldn’t be too bad, right? We know, too, it’s a lot less than what most of the other teams are getting.

Oh. We also want a few things after the season starts. The biggest thing we want here is for the front office to make good decisions. We don’t want the Twins to be playing guys like Mickey Gasper, Ryan Fitzgerald, Ryan Kreidler, or Edouard Julien, if it means that prospects are sitting in Triple-A Saint Paul. I know fans love having a really fun team across town, too, but we all know the Twins deserve better players than the Saints.

We know you are more of a once-a-year kind of gift giver, but a lot of stores have been advertising something called “Christmas in July”. Maybe they mean the trade deadline? If so, we do have ideas for a couple of gifts you could give us then, too. The biggest thing, honestly, seems very reasonable. If the Twins are holding their own, and Walker Jenkins, Emmanuel Rodriguez, and Gabriel Gonzalez have looked decent, can you please make sure that Tom Pohlad gives the front office the go-ahead to add payroll? You know what I mean, right? Not Trevor Richards‘ payroll, but enough to actually get the missing pieces to take the Twins deep into October. We have been saving prospect capital for so long. It would be ok to spend some, right?

One more thing. We know this might sound greedy, but it’s really just thinking ahead to next year, and just so we don’t forget. Once the Twins know what they have after letting the kids play this season, we really want them to take some big swings to have a really good team. That will show us that ownership cares about us; you know, like Tom Pohlad said.

Sincerely, the Minnesota Twins fanbase

P.S: We know you don’t have any control over this, but would you mind doing us fans a favor? Could you talk to your friend, General Health? We know you guys are close, and we know he’s not a Twins fan. But, if he could keep Buxton, Royce Lewis, Luke Keaschall, Joe Ryan, Walker Jenkins, and Emmanuel Rodriguez healthy, we sure would appreciate it. He’s been mean to them for too long.