Joe Ryan was his usual solid self after a tough first inning. The Jim Henson\u2019s Twins Babies continued playing with enthusiasm. Inning-by-inning notes:<\/p>\n
1: Because SB tech now exists to annoy me, I can\u2019t access comments via Firefox on my desktop PC anymore. So I have to use f***ing Google Chrome. I hate Google Chrome. It sucks and it\u2019s slow and it\u2019s already crashed my computer once having both Google and Firefox open (it\u2019s an old computer). But, whatever\u2019s gonna increase our SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, right?<\/p>\n
(Note to corporate wizards: Search engines don\u2019t promote sites anymore, they provide AI summaries. But I guess you knew that, right? \u2018Cause corporate wizards are GREAT!)<\/p>\n
Anyways I hate this team and I hate this site tech and I hate everything except you, and that\u2019s only because I haven\u2019t met you yet.<\/p>\n
Mike Yastremski murders a baseball. Yes, he is Grandson of Carl. How many Yastremskis would you have in baseball who AREN\u2019T related? It\u2019s like we\u2019ll know any future Mientkiewiczs are probably related to Doug.<\/p>\n
Makiel Garcia gets a hit \/ Steals a base and the throw is s**t \/ Goes to third, giving me a fit \/ Nothing happens who cares<\/p>\n
Matt Wallner shows off his classical education and cites Homer<\/a>. Ryan Jeffers walks, Kody Clemens singles him to third. Luke \u201cThe New Julien\u201d Keaschall singles him in<\/a>, moving Clemens to third \u2014 he scores on a fielder\u2019s choice<\/a> when the Royals dumbly try to get the next out at second instead of first. I am so happy now, Twins lead 3-1, all is forgiven and Derek Falvey is greatest executive ever<\/p>\n 2: Ryan settling down a bit. Seth Lugo walks Mickey Gasper \u2014 uhh, why? \u2014 and Alan \u201cWhoooo?\u201d Roden singles him to second. Jeffers scores Gasper<\/a> \u2014 umm, shouldn\u2019t have walked him \u2014 and Luke \u201cNew Royce\u201d Keaschall knocks Roden in<\/a>. Hmm, Lugo DID have a much higher FIP than ERA entering this game\u2026 anyhoo, CHAMPIONSHIP NOW 5-1<\/p>\n 3: Atteberry said something about how \u201cwe have the only two astrophysicists in the major leagues.\u201d Um, OK, a couple of Twins majored in physics in college, I dunno if they finished or not\u2026 but that does NOT make you an astrophysicist any more than my college journalism classes make me a \u201csportswriter.\u201d<\/p>\n 4: Ryan hits Vinnie Pasquantino because one time Pasquantino made fun of \u201cthose weird guys who dump talcum powder on their junk\u201d and Ryan took Offense. Nothing comes of it and Ryan mouths \u201cball chafer\u201d at Pasquantino as he leaves the field.<\/p>\n Jeffers has a two out walk and Klemens Klobbers<\/a> one. Kool! Kan that Konvince me to beKome a big baseball-Krazy fan again? Um, no. But thanks for trying, guys. It\u2019s because they LOVE US 7-1<\/p>\n 5: A couple of one-out singles by the Royals, no harm done, but it pushes Ryan up to 87 pitches, meaning more time for The Best Bullpen in Baseball in Terms of Low-Level Prospects You Could Trade Them All Away For.<\/p>\n 6: One of the bullpen noobs (Travis Adams) gives up a dinger to Witt. You are sad, and I am here to comfort you. In 100 years, we\u2019ll all be dead anyways.<\/p>\n Wait? Sheboygan<\/a> ad where Buxton doesn\u2019t sing? DID THEY TRADE AWAY BUXTON\u2019S SHEBOYGAN SINGING? God d**n these people. They won\u2019t leave me with anything.<\/p>\n Roden singles, Wallner doubles, Ryan Jeffers drives one in<\/a>. Kody Clemens fielder\u2019s choice time, Wallner thrown out at the plate.<\/p>\n (If you sing that last sentence to the \u201chappy Whos in Whoville\u201d Christmas special song<\/a>, the meter fits, you will be impressed.)<\/p>\n Lewis doubles<\/a>. More points. Fuggin yay Twins 9-2<\/p>\n 8: Um, anything happen? The world\u2019s still going to crap in a crapbasket festooned with a crapribbon of exceedingly putrid crap. The problem with this version of \u201cEnd of the World as We Know It\u201d is, there\u2019s no Mike Mills in the background singing \u201cand I feel fine.\u201d So that\u2019s a disappointment. R.E.M. LIED to us.<\/p>\n Travis Adams gave up more runs. ERA now 6.86. But he\u2019s only 25, the guy\u2019s frontal lobe hasn\u2019t even finished developing yet, he might still be good FOR A DOOMED TEAM IN A DOOMED WORLD. The score\u2019s now 9-3, I guess<\/p>\n 9: Something called a Brooks Kriske finishes the game. He gives up a run. He played for the Royals in 2023. Isn\u2019t it ironic, don\u2019t you think. Twims wim!<\/p>\n Studs: Ryan, plus Clemens, Keaschall, Jeffers, Lewis (2 RBI apiece). Duds: the fact that I spent the last 10 years saying \u201cDerek Falvey is no more a magical genius than any other GM in baseball\u201d and I\u2019m probably gonna hafta spend the next 10 years doing the same thing<\/p>\n COTG goes to sandwiches for<\/a> \u201cThe Atteberry and Gladden exchange about Hello Kitty is peak stuff\u201d and everyone for random musing on<\/a> Gladden\u2019s bike and other iffy Twins blogsites<\/a>. As this post amply demonstrates, there\u2019s only One Twins blogsite you need for top SPORTS ANALYSIS. Thanks to everybody who participated in the thread!<\/p>\n Tomorrow\u2019s game is at 6:10, and features KC\u2019s Noah \u201cFlood It\u201d Cameron matching up against Bailey \u201cTake The\u201d Ober. Have a fun weekend, if you have the weekend off, and make the best of it if you don\u2019t!<\/p>\n