In the cash-dominated, rigidly marketed world of professional sports, athletes don’t have much space for self-expression.<\/p>\n
NFL players may choose to display\u00a0one of seven anodyne social justice slogans<\/a>\u00a0that won’t upset the league’s\u00a064 uniform inspectors<\/a>. The NBA relaxed ex-Commissioner David Stern’s\u00a0“kind of racist”<\/a>\u00a0dress code, while the NHL continues to enforce its collectively bargained\u00a0suit mandate<\/a>.<\/p>\n MLB has its own set of\u00a0bizarre uniform guidelines<\/a>, but baseball boasts the most unique insight into the personalities of players: walk-up songs.\u00a0Starting around 1990<\/a>, ballpark PA systems began blasting player-selected tunes prior to each home team at bat. For over a decade, I’ve made it my springtime ritual to grade the tracks picked by each Minnesota Twin: at the Twin Cities A.V. Club, at Vita.mn, at City Pages, and, now at an outlet I hopefully won’t torpedo.<\/p>\n Recommended<\/p>\n The club, which\u00a0staggered outta the gate to a 4-6 start witnessed by almost nobody<\/a>, brings woeful expectations<\/a> into 2026, plus lots of newish faces. Long gone are the days of Joe Mauer approaching the plate to T.I.’s 2006 banger “What You Know,” as the swagless hometown hero reliably did every year at Target Field. (He received reliable A grades.) Even the more recent Bomba Squad has largely dissolved, meaning we’ve lost the soundtracks to dingers from Nelson Cruz (“Soldado” by Juan Luis Guerra), Mitch Garver (a semi-pandering “Say Shh” by Atmosphere), and Eddie Rosario (\u201cBendiciones\u201d by eventual Super Bowl halftime star Bad Bunny).<\/p>\n My yearly desire to cast music-critic judgements onto nine physically, financially, and, often, tastefully superior men? That’ll never die. Here’s how your 2026 Minnesota Twins fared at DJing their own at-bats.<\/p>\n RecommendedByron Buxton, CF<\/p>\n Song: “Jamming” by Bob Marley<\/p>\n Folks, we love Byron Buxton, don’t we? Once a phenom prospect, Buck endured seemingly infinite injuries en route to 10 years of MLB service, a milestone he just celebrated in emotional fashion<\/a> with a franchise that doesn’t deserve his steadfast loyalty. The early, especially injury-riddled Buxton years were defined by his selection of “Return of the Mack,” a silky smooth 1996 R&B number that demands repeat listens. Last season he switched to this timeless Marley jam and, wouldn’t ya know it, he posted his best campaign ever\u2014.878 OPS, 35 dingers, 126 games played. Ain’t broke, don’t fix.<\/p>\n Grade: A+<\/p>\n<\/p>\n Trevor Larnach, LF<\/p>\n Song: “You Know How We Do It” by Ice Cube<\/p>\n A G-funk classic from 1993 Ice Cube album\u00a0Lethal Injection, “You Know How We Do It” channels Cube’s previous smash single “It Was a Good Day.” (Interestingly, Larnach chose the latter as a previous year’s walk-up song.) Appropriate stuff from the 29-year-old Cali kid who, like Ice Cube, was once a top prospect<\/a> and who now, like Ice Cube, is just fine in certain roles<\/a>. <\/p>\n Grade: A-<\/p>\n<\/p>\n Luke Keaschall, 2B<\/p>\n Song: “Gonna Fly Now” by Bill Conti<\/p>\n OK, a corny selection for any pro athlete. But we’re still gonna go ahead and rave over Keaschall, the most exciting young Twin, picking the toot-tastic Rocky anthem that arrived on this currently nosediving nation’s bicentennial. Here’s hoping the All-Rookie honoree wallops Apollo Creed (uh, in his case, a stand-in for high expectations?) in his second installment.<\/p>\n Grade: A+<\/p>\n<\/p>\n Josh Bell, DH<\/p>\n Song: “Hip-Hop (Instrumental)” by Dead Prez<\/p>\n You’re picturing Chappelle’s Show DVD sets the second this filthy bass line hits. At 33, beefcake Bell is old enough to remember when Chappelle associations were more pleasant, and the veteran slugger has been a pleasant addition so far to Minnesota; he’s got two taters through his first 10 games with the club.<\/p>\n Grade: B+<\/p>\n<\/p>\n Ryan Jeffers, C<\/p>\n Song: “Duffle Bag Boy” by Playaz Circle feat. Lil Wayne<\/p>\n It just occurred to me that, for a 28-year-old like Jeffers, a track from 2007 like this one is as ancient as, say, “California Love” was for my millennial ass. The passage of time, man. Shamefully, I was unaware of Playaz Circle\u2014a duo featuring the great 2 Chainz (then known at Tity Boi) and some guy named Dolla Boy\u2014until researching last year’s walk-up music. When asked if he remembered the group, Racket music critic Keith Harris responded “nope.” Well there you have it. Lotta fun to hear peak mixtape era Lil Wayne. <\/p>\n Grade: C+<\/p>\n<\/p>\n Matt Wallner, RF<\/p>\n Song: “Good Times” by Koe Wetzel<\/p>\n Koe Wetzel, 33, deploys maximum effort to let you know he’s an outlaw country shit-kicker from Texas. The results, at least here, feel pretty try-hard and paint-by-numbers: “I’ve been on one so long\/Taking one off feels wrong\/Everybody knows that that’s my deal.” All right buddy, take it easy, we get it. Wallner, like war-crimes-committing Secretary of War Pete Hegseth, is from Forest Lake, Minnesota. As such, we scold him for not picking a local jam like… oh, I don’t know… the live version of “The Bears”<\/a> Lifter Puller performed in 1999 on The Jenny Jones Show.<\/p>\n Grade: D+<\/p>\n<\/p>\n Royce Lewis, 3B<\/p>\n Song: “Hell & Back” by Kid Ink<\/p>\n Is Lewis referencing his own interminable health woes with this song title? Probably not, but let’s torture the metaphor to fill some space. Lewis burst into the bigs in 2023, a top prospect whose first full season of MLB service included a .921 OPS and four gorgeous grand slams. Nagging hamstring and quad injuries sapped his powers the past two seasons. Now 26 and reportedly healthy, Lewis has blasted two homers through the first 10 games of ’26. Oh, yeah, the music! Kid Ink sounds like T.I.-lite\u2014big, loud, say-nothing mainstream rap. Nothing wrong with that. <\/p>\n Grade: C<\/p>\n<\/p>\n Brooks Lee, SS<\/p>\n Song: “Love Tonight” by SHOUSE<\/p>\n Ya know something? I’m not qualified to appraise saxophone-forward acid house music from Australia. Call it a very specific blind spot. The people love it, however: This throbbing and cheesy dance number has racked up almost 120 million YouTube views. Points for relative obscurity from Lee, a former top prospect who, at 25, is still struggling to figure it out. <\/p>\n Grade: C+<\/p>\n<\/p>\n Kody Clemens, 1B<\/p>\n Song: “Tequila Shots” by Kid Cudi<\/p>\n Critics didn’t love Cudi’s 2020 album, Man on the Moon III: The Chosen, but The Ringer seemed to enjoy “Tequila Shots,” writing that it “sounds like a surge of cosmic energy.” (Cudi would perform it live on SNL.) Clemens’s father, Steroids Era superstar pitcher Roger, “would ‘routinely’ drink beer in the Yankees dugout, ‘passing back and forth what [Jason] Giambi called his \u2018protein shake,\u2019 code for a cup of beer,'” VinePair reports<\/a>; Roger also reportedly mocked<\/a> an alcoholic teammate for not drinking… not great! Boozy bloodlines, boozy song. In any event, “Tequila Shots” is as adequate as its selector. <\/p>\n Grade: C+<\/p>\n<\/p>\n