There are a thousand ways to account for naughtiness in a professional basketball player. Speaking out opposed to Silver Claus’ white-and-black striped elves within the privacy of a press conference, sharing your affinity for firearms with children at pick up games or in the confines of an Instagram live stream, or even something as simple as being Draymond Green, can all get your name stamped and dated on that dreaded sheet. That haunting parchment. The chilling tally that holds in the balance one’s fate this time of year.

Adam Silver’s Naughty List.

We’ve all found ourselves caught with blood on our hands; wrongs and missteps are red splotches staining one’s standing in the eyes of the judges of the righteous and wicked. Yet, with all of these slip-ups, most find themselves joyous on the morning of Christmas Day. With presents and toys stuffing the underside of an indoor evergreen, all the guilt of mistakes made through the calendar are seemingly striked from the record. How could one condsider a careless error from April when today, in December, the jolly old man from high atop the NBA office buildings descended from his throne to benevolently grant you a brand-new Playstation 5.

Here you go, sport: five copies of NBA 2K26 complete with Silver Claus’ favorite player, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander. Now grab your parent’s Visa card and buy up stores of VC for your MyPlayer.

So it goes without saying that on the topic of niceness, SGA’s name stands right at the top. Complete with an MVP Trophy and an NBA Championship ring, OKC’s star had himself a merry little Christmas, indeed.

But the Yuletide has not been made gay for all this holiday season, unfortunately. Scanning the landscape, one can’t avoid the moans of the forgotten in the Western United States. Not from Los Angeles — at least from those donning purple and gold — nor from the West Coast as a whole. No, those who awoke on Christmas morning with their hearts cold and unloved were the Jazz in Utah, with news that Silver’s spies were concocting methods to punish the impoverished. Those whose wins arrived in short supply would find themselves shy of consolation during the (admittedly warm) nights of Winter.

But as tragic as this gift may appear, not all is lost beneath the mountains. The gifts of drafts past have been indeed fruitful. 22-year-old Keyonte George is posting a surprise All-Star bid in his third season. Lauri Markkanen, when not seated upon the bench with stickittothemaneosis (it’s a real thing, and over a dozen private school children have suffered), is likewise returning to form and mirroring the output of his All-Star year in 2023, Ace Bailey is taking to the skies and delivering one of the most exciting rookie campaigns from the Jazz’s recent draft memory, and Cody Williams scored 11 points the other day, lest we forget.

But the Jazz simply haven’t won many games since parting ways with their playoff core of yesteryear. In tune with the realities of Christmas outside of NBA circles, it seems that Silver Claus, Santa Claus’ sleeker, slimmer, and more well-dressed counterpart, judges niceness based largely on income, rather than by the content of their character.

Egor Demin is forever on the nice list, or I riot.