The Knicks Could Take the Title Tomorrow, But New York Has Already Won

This is an edition of the newsletter Pulling Weeds With Chris Black, in which the columnist weighs in on hot topics in culture. Sign up here to get it in your inbox every Thursday.

The NBA Finals have been unavoidable this year. The New York Knicks, who haven’t won a championship since 1973, appear to be poised to shut down their formidable opponents from the forgettable city of San Antonio, Texas, led by a 22-year-old French guy who is 7’4” and trains with monks in his free time, and New York is absolutely insane. People are happy and friendly to one another; people who don’t party anymore are having six beers on a Monday night at a bar, hugging strangers, and you are seeing more of the hideous (sorry) team colors than ever before. This NBA Finals feels like an actual monocultural event; everyone is locked in, even if they aren’t risking half of their meager media job salary on Polymarket or buying limited-edition New York or Nowhere merch (Jeremy Lin, do better). The stakes are high, especially if you are Siegelman Stables or KITH and you need to cash in before the Knicks win on Saturday on the road. The easy money window is closing quickly.

Online, Knicksmania has turned into a battle over who is a “real fan” and who is stealing valor, and as you can imagine, everyone has an opinion. Caring about sports, especially in that way, seems like a fruitless waste of energy to me, but everyone wants to be the first and best. It is making adults act like children. But for the record, some official Pulling Weeds real-fan rulings: Legendary director Spike Lee is a bona fide lifelong fan who has earned his courtside seat. Ben Stiller is a real fan who shows up four hours early with a Tumi backpack and appears to be filming every minute of the games in landscape mode. He also claims to have burned the clothes he wore to witness the Game 3 loss. OK, bro. Born and bred New Yorker and Chrome Hearts enthusiast Timothee Chalamet is young enough to have proof of his long-standing love for the Knicks all over the internet. Mariska Hargitay from Law & Order is New York royalty and should be protected at all costs. Fat Joe, Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Rubin, Joe Budden, sure! Zaslav in a jean jacket is questionable, though. Taylor Swift, who is apparently tying the knot with Kansas City Chiefs’ best podcaster Travis Kelce at MSG, and two of the three Haim sisters made custom T-shirts to celebrate the occasion. I appreciate the creativity, but “Stevie Knicks” makes me want to kill myself.

It’s hard to see this as anything but another giant cash grab for bad streetwear bands and a place for celebrities to get photographed sitting in seats that cost more than a Kia Sportage. If you can avoid the stupid Knicks poems on Twitter, your algorithm is better than mine. “My Christian is Dior, Knicks in Four” is so deeply embarrassing it’s hard to believe it’s real. Still, if it’s the only thing we have left that brings people together and lightens the mood in New York, you have to love it. Watching Zohran go toe to toe with James Dolan over a watch party is hilarious. The atrocious tunnel fits and missed foul calls (a face push is crazy) are the things that garner attention once we are done gawking at Scooter Braun and jet-ski enthusiast Sydney Sweeney, sitting five rows beyond Taylor and her girl gang. The athletic achievements and commitment to excellence that these guys show on the court are inspiring. Coming back from the greatest deficit in NBA Finals (with a tip-in!) in front of a hometown crowd can even warm my cold dead heart. I have lived in New York for 17 years, but I am self-aware enough to know that no matter what J. Lo says on Subway Takes, I will never be a real New Yorker. But it’s always nice to get a W.

Tags: