Tom Brady’s raunchy roast is blessedly receding into memory, but now the all-too personal life of coach Bill Belichick is gushing into public view, Gatorade-shower style. Only this time it’s not because he’s winning necessarily.
The man famous for controlling the narrative has instead become its prisoner. Belichick was the boss who called the shots from the sidelines, telling men young enough to be his grandsons what to do. Now he’s the one obeying orders from the sidelines, called by a woman young enough to be his granddaughter. Except that she’s his date.
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Belichick is gone from the Patriots. But even if you want to avoid this overtime show you can’t. Especially not since this past Sunday. That’s when what should have been a softball sitdown with CBS’s Tony Dokoupil — to chat about Belichick’s new book, “The Art of Winning: Lessons from my life in Football”— turned into a rout.
The interview was so disturbing that even Dave Portnoy, the controversial Barstool Sports founder, “Join[ed] Fans To Express Concern For Bill Belichick After CBS Interview Was Hijacked By Girlfriend,” according to Yahoo.
Belichick, 73, was sitting in a tall chair, wearing a torn Navy sweat shirt that was so shabby it made one almost long for the relative formality of a short-sleeved hoodie. Across from him, his shirt intact, was Dokoupil, and the smooth TV interviewer was about to get to the good stuff.
“You have Jordon, right over there,” Dokoupil said, gesturing to a figure visible on the edge of the TV set — the 24-year-old girlfriend herself, Jordon Hudson.
“Everybody in the world seems to be following this relationship,” he continued. “They’ve got an opinion about your private life. It’s got nothing to do with them. But they are invested in it. How do you deal with that?”
Belichick (who, at this moment, was still in the familiar “I’m going to give you nothing” mode): “Never been too worried about what everybody else thinks …”
So far, so good. But then Dokoupil moved in for (what would bizarrely) turn out to be the kill: “How did you guys meet?”
Jordon (interjecting from the sidelines, in a don’t-mess-with-me deadpan worthy of Belichick himself): “We’re not talking about this.”
Translation: We’re on to Cincinnati.
Dokoupil (now looking to Hudson, not Belichick, for his orders): “No?”
Hudson: “No.”
On Wednesday, as the frenzy over Hudson’s actions continued to mount, Belichick issued a statement blasting CBS for not honoring the “expectation” that the interview would focus solely on the contents of the book.
Later in the day, CBS released its own statement. “When we agreed to speak with Mr. Belichick, it was for a wide-ranging interview. There were no preconditions or limitations to this conversation.”
Whatever the agreement, it may not matter. Everyone is feasting on his story. People who have never willingly watched a football game in their lives are gobbling up the details in their social media feeds. It’s Taylor Swift turning Swifties into Kansas City Chiefs fans, but the negative version.
Former NFL head coach Bill Belichick and girlfriend Jordon Hudson, posed on the red carpet at the NFL Honors award show ahead of the Super Bowl 59 football game Feb. 6 in New Orleans.Brynn Anderson/Associated Press
Belichick has become the crossover star of the clickbait world, feeding the outrage machine with storylines so numerous and creative Donald Trump himself would be impressed: The domineering girlfriend. The age difference. The “can this be happening” mermaid and fisherman photo shoot!
Belichick’s critics once consisted mainly of wronged football fans and NFL beat reporters, but now the Monday morning quarterbacks have multiplied, the story lines sucking in other story lines.
FOX News: “Bill Belichick’s girlfriend Jordon Hudson to compete vs trans model in Miss Maine pageant.”
Random person on Instagram, (ostensibly) commenting on Hudson’s post about her upcoming Miss Maine USA competition: “they met on a flight while he was still married, that’s why she doesn’t want to talk about it because she’s a home wrecker.”
New York Post: “Alarmed by CBS disaster, Bill Belichick insiders say girlfriend Jordon Hudson is a ‘runaway train.’”
You know that a story line has left the earth’s gravitational pull when a New York Post article attracts 1.6 thousand comments (as the one above did). The most popular comment, by the way, with more than 658 “likes” and counting, was written by a self-described “former Adult Protective Services investigator/caseworker.”
“I have handled countless numbers of financial exploitation cases involving mostly much older men who fall prey to much younger women who capitalize on the loneliness and vulnerability of these men,” Allenweir7 wrote.
Meanwhile, time and love march on, and the only thing that seems certain is that if Hudson competes as planned, as Miss Hancock, on Mother’s Day weekend, at a Holiday Inn in Portland, the pageant audience will be Super Bowl sized.
North Carolina Tar Heels football head coach Bill Belichick and his girlfriend Jordon Hudson looked on during the first half of the game between the North Carolina Tar Heels and the Duke Blue Devils at Dean E. Smith Center on March 8 in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.Jared C. Tilton/Getty
Beth Teitell can be reached at beth.teitell@globe.com. Follow her @bethteitell.