Last Wednesday we published our “Eagles All Quarter Century team 53-man roster.” Some of you requested that I write up an Eagles “Anti-Eagles All Quarter Century team.” So, alright, sure. I’ll just do a starting lineup on this one, as opposed to a full 53-man roster.
QB: Vince Young
Young only started three games for the Eagles, all in 2011. He went 1-2, with 4 TDs and 9 INTs. But he was also the player who called the Eagles a “Dream Team” during 2011 training camp.
In those days, Eagles training camps were still in Lehigh, and the media had a trailer where we wrote up our camp stories. I can remember reporters hustling to the trailer to write up Young’s “Dream Team” comments before his presser had even ended.
We probably could’ve also gone with Mike McMahon here.
RB: DeMarco Murray
During the 2015 offseason, Chip Kelly traded LeSean McCoy because he didn’t like him. He then signed DeMarco Murray and Ryan Mathews to replace McCoy.
Murray was coming off a season in 2014 in which he had 497 touches with the Cowboys. In 2015, he averaged a paltry 3.6 yards per carry, and clearly was not happy being in Philly.
During training camp, Murray was nursing some minor injury, and was watching practice from the sideline. In between reps — and right in front of a gathering of fans and media — Malcolm Jenkins ran off the field and into a VIP tent, grabbed an empty chair and placed it next to Murray, as if to say, “As long as you’re not practicing with us, you may as well be comfortable.”
WR: Jalen Reagor, Miles Austin, Riley Cooper
I remember during the 2020 NFL Draft, Justin Jefferson somehow fell into the Eagles’ laps at pick 21. While the Eagles were on the clock, I can remember furiously typing up the pick, as if it was going to be Jefferson, as he was pretty clearly the best player available, and at an obvious position of need for the Eagles. Instead they selected Reagor, a pick that was widely panned at the time, and aged even worse.
The Eagles thought Jefferson was a high volume slot receiver, and they wanted a field-stretching outside receiver. As it turned out, Jefferson could do pretty much everything, and Reagor basically nothing. That will go down as one of their worst ever draft selections.
Austin was another weird Chip Kelly signing. They added him at the tail end of his career at the age of 31. He had just 13 catches with the Eagles, and for an accomplished receiver he often seemed like he didn’t know what was happening on the field.
Cooper’s inclusion here should be rather obvious.
Dorian Green-Beckham was really bad, too.
TE: L.J. Smith
Smith wasn’t a bad player. He had 600+ yards in two straight seasons. However, he never produced to the level of his second-round talent, and was eventually beaten out by the much less heralded Brent Celek.
During a Week 1 game against the Buccaneers during Smith’s rookie season in 2003, the Eagles called a fake FG, and Koy Detmer threw an extremely catchable ball to Smith in the end zone, but he dropped it.
OL: Andre Dillard, Danny Watkins, David Molk, Jamon Brown, Demetress Bell
Quick notes on each of these guys:
• Andre Dillard: Dillard couldn’t anchor to save his life, and was little more than a blocking sled for opposing edge rushers during his time in Philly. Dillard, primarily a LT, was called upon to start at RT in a 2019 game against the Seahawks. He knew full well it wasn’t going to go well, and, well, it didn’t, as he couldn’t block anyone and was benched in favor of Halapoulivaati Vaitai.
• Danny Watkins: Watkins was a con artist who pretended to love football, but really only wanted to be a firefighter.
• David Molk: This dude wrote a book about his time with the Eagles under the pen name “Johnny Anonymous,” lol, only it was extremely easy to pinpoint Molk as the author based on self-descriptions within.
“My name is David M.,” the book’s first sentence read. “No wait, that’s too easy. Let’s go with D. Molk.”
(Disclaimer: The book didn’t actually begin that way.)
• Jamon Brown: This was the guy who was adjusting his gloves mid-play while opposing pass rushers were trying to kill Carson Wentz. He’s the RG below:
That almost looks like a video game glitch.
• Demetress Bell: I don’t have any anecdotes about Bell, other than that he couldn’t block anyone when he was called upon to fill in for an injured Jason Peters.
Some might wonder where Winston Justice is on this team. He had one disastrous game against the Giants his rookie season, but eventually became a serviceable starter.
EDGE: Jason Babin, Bryce Huff
Babin hunted for sacks and couldn’t have cared less about his run defense responsibilities. He was also easily the biggest douche I’ve ever covered. He embodied everything that sucked about the Eagles’ disastrous 2012 season that got everyone fired.
Huff played just one season in Philly after signing a three-year deal worth $51 million. BGN found this interview of Huff saying he wanted to be traded very quickly after signing his new deal:
In a July 1 interview with TheSFNiners YouTube Channel, Bryce Huff suggested he knew from very early on he wasn’t going to be a great fit in Philadelphia, and he shared some candid comments about his lone year there. “If I’m being 100% honest with you, I wanted a trade like fairly early on. And just cause of how things went in Philly, I knew pretty early on it wasn’t a fit,” he said, before elaborating further. Noting his expectations were “at an all-time high” when he arrived in Philadelphia, Huff suggested things went South in a hurry — as early as training camp. “I talked to my agent about it and was like, when it’s all set and done, I might need to step to put myself in the best position to ball out and have a fruitful career,” Huff added. “There’s a plethora of things that went down. I don’t wanna get into specifics. Being in the league for five years, I kinda knew what it felt like to be in a good situation. … I kind of knew where it was headed fairly early on into the season — probably even training camp if I’m being honest.”
So, a lot has been made of Huff’s “bad fit” in Vic Fangio’s defense. I think that’s a ridiculous excuse. To begin, if you’re an extremely one-dimensional player, yeah, you’re going to be a bad fit in a lot of schemes. But also, you can be a bad fit and still play hard, which Huff most certainly did not do.
It’s pretty hard to beat out first-round draft busts like Marcus Smith or Jerome McDougle for mentions on the Eagles Anti-All Quarter Century Team, but Babin and Huff managed.
iDL: Trevor Laws, Malik Jackson
Laws was a second-round bust. Jackson was a another high-priced free agent disappointment.
There weren’t many great options at DT. Let’s just move on.
LB: Nate Gerry, Levon Kirkland
Gerry was a converted safety who oddly couldn’t cover to save his life. I mean, he wasn’t a good run defender either, but he was really bad against the pass.
Kirkland was a 6’1, 275-pound linebacker who looked odd on the field even during a different era of football. He looked like a player you’d create in Madden just for fun. Here he is with the Steelers:
In the 2002 NFC Championship Game, the Bucs wrecked him all day on shallow crossers in the middle of the field.
Honorable mention to Dhani Jones, who would do that stupid guitar celebration after he made a tackle 8 yards down the field.
CB: Nnamdi Asomugha, Byron Maxwell, Curtis Marsh
Asomugha signed a monster contract, and then stunk for two season, eating meals in his car away from teammates along the way.
Maxwell was yet another bad Chip Kelly signing, though he only stunk in Philly for one season. His lowlight came against the Cardinals, when a he got dragged for like 20 yards by a Cards TE while trying to make a tackle. I couldn’t find the video, but I did find this stick figure representation of the play.
And then there’s poor Curtis Marsh, who was actually having the best training camp of his career in 2013… until the Patriots visited Philly for joint practices. Tom Brady targeted Marsh repeatedly, both during practices and in the subsequent preseason game, basically ending Marsh’s NFL career.
Apologies to Bradley Fletcher.
S: Jaiquawn Jarrett, Andrew Sendejo
Jarrett was billed as something of a “next Dawkins” after the Eagles selected him in the second round of the 2011 draft, the same draft the Eagles selected Danny Watkins in the first round. (Narrator: He wasn’t.)
Sendejo was a heat-seeking missile, only he hit teammates instead of opposing ball carriers.
Specialists: Alex Henery, Arryn Siposs, Reno Mahe
Henery was a legend at Nebraska, but he had a noodle leg by NFL standards, and was rattled pretty quickly after a poor start to his career.
Also, fun fact: Henery was the subject of the first animated stick figure I ever attempted, after Cody Parkey beat him out in training camp. It was a beauty:
Siposs wasn’t good enough to play in the NFL, just generally speaking, but also he shanked a punt in the Super Bowl that was returned inside the 5 yard line by the Chiefs.
Somewhere, accused gasoline thief Reno Mahe is calling a fair catch with nobody in the same zip code.
Coaching staff: HC Chip Kelly, OC Pat Shurmur, and DC Matt Patricia
Kelly had his fair share of innovations that the rest of the NFL stole. He wasn’t a complete bust, but he was very clearly the worst Eagles head coach of the last 25 years.
After Sean Desai was demoted from defensive coordinator in 2023, Patricia took over, but the defense only got worse, as players often didn’t know how to line up or what their assignments were. Opposing offenses bulldozed them in the run game, and easily found ways to get receivers running wide open through the secondary.
As for Shurmur, I’m pretty sure he was just asleep for his entire Eagles tenure, but wore “Homer Simpson jury duty” glasses to trick everyone into thinking he was conscious.
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