This is an opinion column.

The Sunday mailbag is here to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

Good news, y’all. We’re giving Alabama fans a chance to win free beef jerky instead of mouthfuls of rat poison.

But first we’re hoping that former Auburn coach Bryan Harsin has some advice for Tigers’ coach Alex Golesh on how to keep players from transferring to places like Oregon and Texas Tech.

J-Dub writes …

Hey, ya’ transparent Bammer, happy blanking holidays.

It’s already looking like the Golesh two- and three-star project is in full swing with every single elite player he claimed to want to retain defecting. And what about that $30 million bank roll. It looks like he isn’t using it …

Joseph, son, this looks eerily like the Bryan Harsin Art Show, and when Golesh is fired for barely maintaining the 5-7 mantra two years from now, can we get rid of the plague that is John Cohen, the author of all our pain, who l told you should have been fired?

Everything Golesh is doing so far screams of a guy that expects to be bad for a long period of time. This is already over. The ship never left the dock.

ANSWER: It smells like someone might have put a little too much bourbon in their egg nog. Give your keyboard (and Tesla truck key fob) to a legal dependent and sleep it off. We’ll wake you up when the transfer portal opens on Jan.2.

Auburn might be losing guys to the portal, but I’ve never understood the need to keep mediocre players around from a 5-7 team. If toxic players want to leave, then it’s best to let them go. It’s not that hard to find better players these days.

Auburn is gearing up to make some big splashes in the portal. Big-budget teams in the SEC and Big 12 are raiding ACC rosters for well-developed upperclassmen. Expect top-rated linemen to land at Auburn. Also, keep an eye on Auburn targeting players from Ole Miss, Michigan and Notre Dame. We all know about Ole Miss’ problems, but Michigan is a mess, too, and the Fighting Irish might be losing coach Marcus Freeman to the NFL. Reports have linked him to the New York Giants.

I’d love to see South Florida quarterback Byrum Brown at Auburn. Brown passed for over 3,000 yards last season and ran for over 1,000. Pretty good stuff. Land him out of the portal and others will follow.

On a slightly more entertaining note, I’m currently taking submissions for the Inaugural Bryan Harsin Paint By Numbers Art Show, so email me your entries. None of that A.I. slop either. I want the real deal. And keep it PG-13. None of that freaky Woke stuff. This isn’t the Guggenheim, but intelligence will be rewarded. First place will be an unopened bag of beef jerky from Buc-ee’s.

Charles writes …

Perhaps a better comparison to Alabama-Indiana this year would be 1992 Alabama-Miami. Miami was ranked No.1, had Gino Torretta as Heisman Trophy winner and thought they were bad-ass. I was at that game in New Orleans and it was so loud. Gino could not hear himself think much less call plays! I went to the game hoping we were not going to get blown out and instead we won the natty! Best Bama game I’ve ever attended.

Bill in Huntsville writes …

In addition to defeating Florida/Tim Tebow in the SEC championship game, remember that underdog Alabama also defeated Miami and their Heisman trophy quarterback in the national championship game.

Unfortunately, I think all of the accolades and nice comments are going to hurt Alabama‘s mental state going into the Indiana game.

Alabama seems to play better when their backs are against the wall, and it’s “us against the world.” A lot of college football games are won on mental attitude, momentum and other things that have nothing to do with physical.

ANSWER: I’ve heard that when the quarterback doesn’t fumble the ball, a team has a better chance of winning. I’m no expert, though. This column is only intended to be an exercise in entertainment, or what Alabama offensive coordinator Ryan Grubb might call first-half “shenanigans.”

Only the old-timers like me remember the 1992 Sugar Bowl. The kids these days have no idea what it’s like to go into a game fully expecting Alabama to lose.

I wouldn’t compare Indiana to Miami, though. Miami was cocky back in those days. Miami was blinded by its own swag. When it comes to football, Indiana is about as un-swaggalistic as it gets.

If 1992 Miami was a Tesla truck, then 2025 Indiana is that 25-year-old farm truck that hauls around empty beer cans from the pandemic and hasn’t been washed since Bob Knight was fired.

The theory about Alabama eating rat poison this week has us genuinely concerned, though. If that is indeed the case, then please allow me to throw a couple buckets of cold water into the Crimson Tide.

Alabama’s offense has been pretty awful since early November. I hate using too many stats in a column (because Woke Left stats are worse than lies), but the Tide has gone three games in a row without breaking the 300-yard mark in total offense. Alabama’s comeback against OU was fun, but, if we’re being completely honest, the Sooners choked it away.

Unfavorable stats don’t mean anything, though, as long as a team believes in itself. Alabama feels like a team that just walked out of church and is ready for lunch.

Eric in Cleveland, Tenn., writes …

I like your idea of a 24-team playoff, but, in order for it to work, the conference championship games should be eliminated. One reason is because they don’t mean anything. For example, the two teams who played for the SEC championship both got in. I’m a Bama fan, but I didn’t think they should have made the playoffs.

Second, until EVERYBODY has to play a conference championship, nobody should. If Notre Dame won’t join a conference, let them take their ball and go home — just like they did about not being in the playoffs (talk about being woke and entitled).

Third, the season is too long already. Without the conference championship game, the playoffs could start the first weekend of December and the season would be over by the first weekend of January.

ANSWER: I’ve covered a lot of SEC championship games in my career. They all felt enormously important. I was there when Tebow cried. I was there when Joe Burrow ripped apart Georgia. Obviously, the comeback by Jalen Hurts against the Bulldogs will never be topped.

I was longing for those types of high stakes in the most recent SEC championship game, but the magic was gone. By halftime, old-timers like me were up in the press box wondering if we were witnessing our last SEC championship game.

The SEC championship game is on its way out. We all saw what happened in the ACC. Duke eliminated Virginia from the College Football Playoff and then the league lobbied for Miami to get in over Notre Dame (allegedly). The SEC came close to having Alabama voted out, but the CFP selection committee manipulated its silly rankings to guarantee the Tide a spot.

If it had been Ole Miss in that situation, would the committee have given the Rebels the benefit of the doubt? No chance.

The SEC is adding an extra conference game next season. That will make it easier to pick a regular-season champion. Expanding the playoffs feels inevitable. The only question is by how many teams. Notre Dame will apparently have a free pass most seasons. Beginning in 2026, Notre Dame is guaranteed a playoff spot if ranked in the Top 12.

Think the SEC or Big Ten wants to risk giving up a spot in the playoffs to Notre Dame due to a conference championship game? Allow me to paint you a picture. Bryan Harsin is more likely to be commissioner of the SEC before that happens.

MAILBAG SOUND OFF

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