Larry Barber, as Sam Houston, and Ron White, impersonating George Washington on Presidents Day, carry an oversized heart as they declare their affection for the state’s historic courthouses during the “I Love Texas Courthouses” campaign to raise awareness and show appreciation for Texas’ historic courthouses ( Mayra Beltran / Houston Chronicle ) (Photo by Mayra Beltran/Houston Chronicle via Getty Images)
Houston Chronicle/Hearst Newspap/Houston Chronicle via Getty Imag
Texas, unfortunately, sees some of the highest rates of cardiovascular disease in the country, which is a bit surprising considering how often we’re blessing each other’s hearts.Â
After it’s spoken, “Bless your heart” sails in the air like a missile until it enters the listener’s brain and ricochets around while they attempt to discern its intention. On one end, it can be a totally sincere benediction, but in other situations, it feels like we were just patted on the head and called a moron. Tone is everything here.
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Its meaning is as vague as its origins. “Like ‘Fixin to,’ it may well have migrated from the Scots-Irish to Appalachia and then to the South and Texas,” Dr. William F. Strong, professor of culture and communication at the University of Texas Rio Grande Valley, told Chron. “It may have once meant exactly what it said: a true and sincere blessing.”
The different meanings of ‘Bless your heart’
And it still is in some parts. At its core, “Bless your heart” is supposed to be a genuine expression of sympathy and appreciation, words meant to shroud the listener in a magic pixie dust of warm feelings. You may have just helped your grandmother bring in the groceries, which prompted a reward of “Bless your heart” followed by a nice slice of her buttermilk pie. Or maybe an aunt sees your dog run under the table during a thunderstorm and tosses a sweet “Bless her heart” her way.
In these contexts, the expression is a verbal hug, a recognition that someone’s struggles and/or good deeds are not going unheralded. But like most things that were once pure and sincere, the cynics corrupted it.
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“Leave it to Southerners and Texans to add a reversal of that sincerity through speech rhythm and nuance,” Strong said. “It’s a short-hand, cloaked means of expressing our disdain for the outsider’s misconceptions. ‘Bless his heart, he thinks June is hot.’ Understatement is often the focus rather than exaggeration. ‘Bless her heart, she thinks Houston to Austin is a long drive.'”
These are the passive-aggressive versions, the “Bless your hearts” said with an understated tone of sarcasm and dismissal, especially when remarked about a person who isn’t around, taking the form of “Bless his heart.” There’s an air of “Aww, poor thing doesn’t know any better” here, as if someone took Jesus’ “They know not what they do” and threw in a tinge of condescending Southern twang.
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It became evident years ago that the phrase went mainstream in a sarcastic way when politicians started using it as comebacks. In the 2016 Republican primaries, for instance, Nicki Haley tried to dismiss a series of attacks from Trump by responding to him on Twitter at the time with, “Bless your heart.” Obviously, it didn’t work.Â
How do you respond?
Still, in the hands of a sweet old thing in the south, it can slice you up proper. So the question is: How do you respond to the weaponization of “Bless your heart”?
That was the subject of a recent Reddit post from a newcomer to Texas. “I never know what to respond, I am not from Texas,” they wrote. Not that born and bred Texans always know how to respond, either. But they have a few suggestions nonetheless.Â
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“Aren’t you precious,” suggested one, using a phrase that’s a cousin of “Bless your heart.” Others echo the sarcastic religiosity and heave it back. “I just say ‘Amen’…sometimes in a Catholic singing voice so it lasts a bit,” wrote another. “Depending on the person and situation, it can really piss them off.”
Some choose to politely smile and walk away, while others reverse the trajectory of the missile with a “Well bless your heart” or “Aren’t you sweet!” But these are only proper responses for the “Bless your hearts” with dubious intentions. The sincerely kind ones only merit a smile and a thank you.
The Larry D. Johnson Heart and Vascular Institute within Memorial Hermann at Texas Medical Center in Houston, Texas.
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Which brings us to the main concern of those who use the expression genuinely: It needs to be taken back. We’ve let cynics and politicians and internet culture bastardize a once pure line of gratification. “‘Bless your heart’ is not always some passive-aggressive thing despite what Reddit says,” went another recent post. “The majority of the times I heard it growing up, it was used in a genuine way. Nothing passive or negative.”
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Reversing that tide will take years of work and thousands of sincere “Bless your hearts” to gradually counteract its evil doppelganger. But if it is volleyed your way with a bit of sass, consider that you might have actually done or said something pretty stupid to warrant it. Sometimes “Bless your heart” is the only way to deal with people who are slower than molasses in January.