CLEVELAND, Ohio (TheOBR.com) Good morning, Cleveland Browns fans!
THE DAILY BLOVIATION
The inexplicable Cleveland Browns writer hive mind said yesterday, “Let’s all write about Jared Verse.”
For whatever reason, there’s an eerie sort of telepathic connection between writers in the Browns universe this time of year. Perhaps it’s caused by the stress of trying to come up with a non-quarterback-related story, or perhaps it’s just that the humidity transmits brainwaves more effectively from one writer to another. I don’t know. I’m an ex-engineer and programmer, not a damn brain scientist.
All I know is that, whatever it is, I’m not part of it. I generally wake up in the morning and have no clue what I’m going to write about. There is no mysterious ESP guiding me. No beer-sponsored Ouija board. None of that. It’s just me, an empty page, repeated warmed-up cups of coffee, and an approach that sits somewhere between the buzz of creativity and the panic of knowing that various Browns fans will verbally pummel me in the forums if I’m late with this nonsense.
Words, webdork! We need words!
Alright, then.
Since the buzz today is about Jared Verse, let’s start with this obvious disclaimer: He is not Myles Garrett. No human being is, just whatever other-worldly entity that calls himself Myles Garrett and has been blessed by the Football Gods with a special ability to torment opposing offenses like a Tyrannosaurus Rex swimming through a flock of doomed duck-billed dinosaurs.
Don’t worry, there are writers more than happy to tell you that if you have Mylesian expectations for Jared Verse, you’re a bad person and probably have tilted your taxes somewhat, and also not thrown away your leftover items after dining at Chick-fil-A, leaving your wrappers on the table like some sort of damn barbarian. These traits and the expectation that Verse will replace Myles are somehow related.
At this same time, Jared Verse is not some sad consolation prize with a beard and a tendency to shove offensive linemen into the backfield. ESPN had him as an honorable mention in its leaguewide edge-rusher rankings, with one AFC executive saying Verse improved in Year Two because he had “a better rush plan” and set up moves with better timing. Another AFC executive said he loves Verse, called him “a beast,” and noted that the only thing separating him from some of the top names is a little more variety beyond the power game.
Verse said at his introductory press conference, “I’m not here to fill anyone’s shoes. I’m here to bring my own. I buy my own.”
That acknowledgment of reality puts him well above those teenagers who left your Chick-Fil-A table smeared with that disgusting Polynesian sauce.
Defensive line coach Jacques Cesaire gave us the football part. He said Verse told him he wants to “play so hard that everyone around me eats,” and then Cesaire got to the bit that will make defensive coaches grin like they just found a coupon for free third-and-long: “I love what he does best, which is just smash people. That guy loves violence, and he has a lot of speed, and I know that when he comes out here, when we get the pads on, it’s going to be a show.”
Our friends at Cleveland 19 pulled the same thread with new defensive coordinator Mike Rutenberg, who told Ari Meirov that with Verse, “you could feel his energy and his passion.”
Is he Myles? The answer is no. The healthier question is whether he can be enough of himself while Mason Graham, Maliek Collins, Alex Wright, and the rest of the front make the math work around him.
To a certain degree, one can expect that Verse and his attitude will have a positive impact on those around him, although in a different way from Garrett. Denzel Ward said after Garrett left: “I believe that you’re either with us or against us, and as you see, he’s not with us.” Alex Wright had the more human version: “Some things like this are just sad, for not only us but the fans, but at the same time it’s just going to bring us way closer.” Both feel true.
ADVENTURES IN THE CLICKZONE:
CBS Sports ranked the Browns 30th in offensive infrastructure, writing that Todd Monken is a very good play caller but that the line and weapons still need to prove they are more than below-average.
The Watson insurance math has now been walked back from the giant $88 million number to something closer to $25 million, per the latest aggregation of Pro Football Talk’s correction, which is very Browns: even the cap relief has to enter concussion protocol.
Adam Schein is out there calling the Browns a laughingstock because, well, the internet has inventory to move and Cleveland always fits in the overhead bin.
Have a good one! GO BROWNS!
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THE LIFT
Positive news from the world of sports and beyond…
A raccoon in Rostraver Township, Pennsylvania got itself wedged in a storm-drain grate this week, because apparently raccoons are not as smart as they look. A resident tried water and a little Dawn dish soap, but the masked little genius was not going anywhere.
Fortunately, firefighters, police, and public works crews eventually used the Jaws of Life and hand tools to cut away just enough metal to free the raccoon.
I am a sucker for a small rescue story. Especially raccoons, since they usually only get into the Lift after stumbling into alcohol supplies, and stumbling away far worse off. Sometimes you just need a handful of people, the right tool, and a shared agreement that the dumb little guy in the grate deserves a chance to run home.
WRAPPING UP
When not in a full-fledged panic by 6:15AM, Barry McBride is the Publisher and Founder of the OBR and bloviates this nonsense every morning. You can follow him on Twitter @barrymcbride or write him at barry@theobr.com if you are so compelled.
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