This is a newsletter bonus question, answered this week by Slate contributing editor Angelina Mazza.

Dear Angelina,

How do I know if my girlfriend’s obsession with a TV show is just good fun, or if I should ask her to take a step back?

For the past several weeks, my girlfriend has been obsessed with the TV show about gay hockey players. She rewatches episodes most days, and she’s constantly on her phone looking at gifs and memes on Tumblr. She’s reading fan fiction and texting her group chat about it basically all day. She’s a fan of many things, and these behaviors aren’t new, but with this show it feels out of control.

She also seems almost high—euphoric, manic, excited, happy—which at first I was glad to see, and now mostly find concerning—especially now that new episodes are done airing! She doesn’t feel very present. She’ll try to tell me about each episode, offering analysis or explaining jokes, but I can only be so interested. I’m used to hearing about the things she loves, but this has been non-stop for weeks, and I’m really getting over it.

I’m also kind of worried. What’s going on with her that she seems to need to check out of our life together in order to talk to her friends about this show? I don’t know whether I should ask her if she’s OK, or just let her have this and bring it up later. What do you think?

—Sidelined Partner

Dear Sidelined,

This is about Heated Rivalry, yes? I get it. That show is a drug. Some fans call it “Heated Rivalry psychosis.” I prefer “Heated Rivalry brain worms.” Whatever it is, baby, oh baby, I’ve got it bad. Just yesterday, my partner asked if we were going to be “like this forever,” and I said, “probably not?” Not exactly reassuring, I know, but I think it’s true.

This isn’t forever, Sidelined. Oh my God, no. In my experience, these feverish, head-over-heels feelings mellow with time. People come back to themselves. If they didn’t, I’d still be clipping Leighton Meester’s symmetrical face from my J‑14 magazines. Mostly, what you’re seeing is a matter of scale: Heated Rivalry went old-school viral. The gay hockey players are everywhere—even my straight friends are texting me about them, which I think qualifies as interfaith dialogue. The internet is an all-you-can-eat buffet of memes, fanfiction, interviews, edits, and faerie smut. Consume responsibly.

But enough about my worms. Can obsessing over media be a way to check out of your own life? Sometimes, yes. In 2020, I coped with the plague by getting very, very into Miraculous Ladybug, a French kids’ cartoon airing on Disney Channel. This year, amid what my colleague Kate Lindsay calls the “conservative culture creep,” I can hardly fault your girlfriend for evangelizing a queer romance or disappearing into the internet’s more joyful, fan-ish corners.

I’ve been on the other side, too, Sidelined. I get why you’re over it. Even with my, shall we say, obsessive temperament, there are times I just can’t get behind my partner’s latest fixation. I try—I really do—but hearing about the same thing day after day, week after week, can wear on anyone. And so it goes: Sooner or later, we’re all a little annoying to the people we love.

I Don’t Have Kids. But Even I Can See My Sister is Raising Hers All Wrong.

I Really Want to Climax, but My Orgasms Scare the Living Hell Out of Me

That said, no. I don’t think you should ask your girlfriend to “take a step back” from Heated Rivalry. It’s interesting to me that most of your letter is about her behavior, while your own feelings only sneak in at the very end, in that sign-off: “Sidelined Partner.” I’m sorry you’re feeling ignored and left out. She may not realize how much the show has taken over your shared life. My advice is to address it directly, with grace. Something simple will do: “I’m so glad this show makes you happy. I’ve been feeling a little sidelined lately, and I’d love to spend some time reconnecting with you.”

Lately, I’ve been trying to carve out a few Heated Rivalry–free hours each day. For my sanity or whatever. Responding to your letter may technically count toward them, since this is work, not pleasure. Not that I’m not enjoying our chat, but “dinner stomach” and “dessert stomach” are different organs­ … you understand the science. My partner and I call this time our “detox,” and, as you may have inferred, we are very bad at it. I remain hopelessly devoted to those gay hockey players. That’s worms for you.

Take heart, Sidelined. With the season finale behind us, the daily tide of content should finally ebb. One day, this show won’t loom so large. Until then, I say: Just let her have this.

—Angelina

Classic Prudie

I broke up with “Jon” because our lives were incompatible. He wanted kids and I didn’t. We broke up with no hard feelings and he ended up getting married to “Sue” a mutual friend of ours. We all drifted apart. I traveled and worked overseas while Jon and Sue settled down and had a son together. Jon recently reconnected with me over social media. He confessed his marriage was a sham, he wanted to leave but couldn’t because of his son, and never had it so good as when we were together. He wanted to meet up and relive our good times together. I messaged Jon that wasn’t a good idea and he needed to turn inward to find the solution to his unhappiness whether it was marriage counseling or a divorce. I would have just left it at that. My dilemma is that on social media, Sue and Jon announced they were trying for another baby.

Sign up for Slate’s evening newsletter.