After forcing a trade to the New Jersey Devils earlier in the season, goaltender Connor Hellebuyck was booed and trashed by fans Tuesday upon his return to Winnipeg.
Unfortunately for Hellebuyck, the Devils front office decided he wouldn’t play in his homecoming game, depriving him of the opportunity to shut up Jets fans with his play.
“Connor Hellebuyck was adamant that he felt a duty to play on Tuesday in Winnipeg,” Devils general manager Sunny Mehta said in a statement. “However, in our estimation, playing in this game would potentially give us a reduction in our expected win probability.”
The Devils lost 4-2 anyway, and everyone moved on. But Mehta’s statement could have long-term implications for the sports world, where gibberish has become the unofficial language of modern executives.
If it’s confusing to your ears, just know it was meant to be that way.
Former Cubs owner Philip K. Wrigley once said “baseball is too much of a sport to be a business and too much of a business to be a sport.” Now most leagues are run by business people instead of people who grew up loving and playing sports.
You hear the noise almost every day and wonder why some execs talk this way instead of communicating in a manner that normal sports fans can comprehend. Instead, they try to sound like they’re operating on a different plane.
Mehta just as easily could’ve told the media the Devils didn’t want Hellebuyck to play in a hostile environment or to put any undue stress on their goalie. “Reduction in our expected win probability” made it seem like a computer program spit out some numbers proving one of the best goaltenders in hockey would lose to a mediocre Jets team.
It’s easy to blame the word salad on the influx of well-educated people in upper-management positions in the age of analytics. They’re much more fluent in corporate speak than, say, Casey Stengel, who made gibberish into an art form and made everyone laugh.
But the obfuscation comes in in all forms and isn’t limited to analytical explanations.
Addressing the Chicago Cubs roster construction at the general manager meetings this week in Las Vegas, GM Carter Hawkins said “all the scenarios are on the table,” then repeated that “all different scenarios are on the table.”
So it could be the same scenario or a different scenario. That’s a boatload of information for Cubs fans to digest. In Hawkins’ defense, he didn’t want to tip his plans but had to say something without saying anything.
“There’s a risk to going with some unproven guys,” he told reporters. “But that allows you maybe to get some more proven guys in other spots, and vice versa.”
Got it, thanks.
Cubs general manager Carter Hawkins speaks with the media during the MLB general managers meetings Tuesday, Nov. 10, 2026, in Las Vegas. (Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images)
Risk taking is a topic sports executives talk about like their jobs are different from any other management position. So should the last-place Chicago Blackhawks make a move, or is that taking a big risk?
“This is a little bit of a precarious time where you don’t want to do something for the sake of doing something and make a mistake that you’re going to regret later,” Hawks GM Kyle Davidson said Wednesday. “But that doesn’t change our intent and how myself and our staff will approach opportunities around the league as they may present themselves.”
Yes, it’s a risky business deciding whether to try to improve one of the worst teams in the NHL. Good luck approaching those opportunities as they present themselves.
Baseball’s GM meetings are fertile ground for spreading gibberish, even though the name of the meetings is somewhat dated. Most GMs are now a notch or two down the front-office food chain, and the presidents of baseball operations and chief baseball officers do most of the heavy lifting.
Boston Red Sox executive Craig Breslow, a former pitcher with a degree in molecular biophysics and biochemistry from Yale, was asked at the GM meetings about having his title changed from chief baseball officer to president of baseball operations.
“Obviously I’m grateful for whatever confidence it demonstrates that ownership has in the job that we’re doing here,” Breslow said. “But from a responsibility standpoint, (I’m) still doing everything I can to build the best team and best organization possible.”
If it’s the same job “from a responsibility standpoint,” what confidence is being demonstrated by ownership in simply changing his job title?
Executives don’t have a monopoly on nonsensical quotes. Agent Scott Boras was asked in Las Vegas about the possibility of two or three teams being in the market for his client, pitcher Tarik Skubal, the top free agent.
“In the deep water is a talent treasure,” Boras replied. “There’s no time to come up for air. So teams have filled their tanks, and they’re all clearly ready for the Skubal dive.”
Where does he come up with that stuff? Boras is famous for making bad puns about teams’ interest in his clients, and we’re all complicit — myself included — for giving him the forum. But when you hear as much corporate speak as baseball writers do, you tend to gravitate toward someone who doesn’t Bore Us.
Sorry. It’s better to groan than to yawn.
The proliferation of corporate speak is why many writers adore Milwaukee Brewers manager Pat Murphy. After winning the World Series, Murphy was caught on a hot mic telling first baseman Jake Bauers: “You’re going to be a rich f−−−er. Just remember when you’re on that horses−−− Yankees team and you guys are all playing for yourself. Just remember, say, ‘This is the way we used to do it.’”
That’s plain speaking from a man who doesn’t need an interpreter to explain what he’s trying to communicate.
Unfortunately, the video went viral and Murphy told a New York Post podcast he apologized to Yankees President Brian Cashman for the remark, which obviously Murphy didn’t know would be heard by millions.
Murphy should’ve told Bauers: “You’re going to be a 1-percenter in a major market, so remember us when you’re in an environment where individual win probability is more important than team goals from a responsibility standpoint.”
Fixed it.
Hopefully Murphy tires of managing some day and gets a job in the front office.
We could all use someone who speaks in plain English, even with a few profanities mixed in.