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Conspiracy Theory: Dame is intentionally ruining his relationship with the Blazers due to his irrational fear of statues.

  • July 7, 2023


I’m an avid basketball card collector and it popped into my head a little while back that the blurb on Dame’s Hoops rookie card mentioned that he was afraid of statues. I just did a quick search and found several articles from his rookie season about it. Here’s just one example:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/damian-lillard-statues-afraid-fear-phobia_n_2214066

As we’ve watched the Lillard to Miami drama unfold I was puzzled why someone who has preached loyalty for so many years would strong arm his team (and by proxy, his fans) into taking a deal they didn’t want.

But it just hit me. Maybe Dame is concerned that if he doesn’t completely torpedo his reputation amongst Portland fans he may end up getting a statue of himself outside of the stadium. This could also explain why he chose to never win a ring for Portland.

Discuss.

31 comments

  3. From a dame tweet – “People I’m only scared of historic statues. Abraham Lincoln , MLK, etc . Had a bad experience at the wax museum lmao“

    This mf saw that dude get turned into a human wax statue in The House of Wax and noped the fuck out on statues lol

  4. Only bad people live to see their likeness set in stone… what does that make me?

    dame been listening to lorde and in his feelings

  5. Cronins been saying he wants a statue of Dame outside the arena, every press conference this offseason too

  7. Kyrie posts a cryptic tweet linking vaccines, statues, and Jews; Dame retweets, theory confirmed

    End result – no one is able to see it because of Elon

  8. This reminds me of my theory that Jody Allen makes free agent/trade decisions based on the basketball players’ attractiveness.

    EDIT: this also might be why he doesn’t want to go to the Celtics. Too many statues in Boston

  9. I came in expecting a stupid post, but this backed with facts and effort. Well done. You solved the case and I refuse to believe you could be wrong.

  13. Nah dude. He’s injured. That’s why it’s only one team that just made the finals. It’s also why this is taking so long because Miami probably figured out he still has a nagging injury and isn’t wanting to give up as much as we all think Dame is worth non injured. Portland and Dame probably set this whole thing up.

    Portland knew of his nagging injury and didn’t want to build around him. Felt bad and agreed to trade him, Miami is his best bet to get a ring but they have shit to trade so it’s going to drag out.

    I came up with this conspiracy tonight. Sorry.

  16. Man saw what they did to Ronaldo and said “nope I’m good fam.”

  24. Now the Blazers need to build one just to spite him. Also they should get the guy who the Ronaldo one.

  28. So it’s possible he requested a trade because Simmons’ defense scares him?

  30. I visited my brother in Portland a couple years ago. One night while he and his wife went out for the evening I stayed home to watch their baby. His wife called to check in before it was getting too late and asked if everything was good. I said yeah the baby is asleep, also while I was just upstairs I noticed you guys have a lifelike Damian Lillard statue in your closet, it looks so real man! But its eyes follow you everywhere you go and I don’t know why it’s nude, kinda weird but whatever. She paused and said, “We don’t have a Damian Lillard statue. Get out of there, NOW!” I grabbed baby and ran out as fast as I could and stayed with neighbors while police came. They never found Dame, but there were reports that whole night that he was terrorizing the whole neighborhood.

  31. It could be that even Dame himself does not yet realize what is driving his true modus operandi. Sitting at home, cracking open a Liquid Death and getting excited to see what shenanigans
    the informed folks at r/NBA are up to, he’ll read this post and — clarity will flood in like a deluge of pure emotion truth.

    We’ve done it again.

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