I took the Deandre Ayton copypasta too far..

i finally crossed the line and i need to confess because at this point i cannot keep pretending this is just irony.

Some of you know me on this sub as the guy who keeps posting Ayton copypastas. At first it was jokes. Then it became a bit. Then it became a routine. And somewhere along the way i stopped being ironic without really noticing.

It all started with a stupid bet with another redditor here. We were arguing for the thousandth time about Deandre Ayton being misunderstood, secretly elite, spiritually dominant, etc. He jokingly said if i was really that close to Ayton i should prove it. i replied that if Ayton wanted me to do something i would do it. Bet was made. Loser had to commit to the bit.

So i did what any sane married adult would do. i ordered a life size poster of Deandre Ayton in a Lakers jersey.

i didn’t go to some shady random site either.
i used a website called BigPoster dot com, the kind of website offices use to print conference banners and trade show standees.
They literally have an option called custom life size poster. You upload an image, choose exact human dimensions.. not sure if this is waterproof tho.

i uploaded a high resolution Ayton photo, selected 7 feet scale because accuracy matters, paid an amount of money i will not repeat here, and waited.

When the package arrived my wife asked what it was. i told her it was a mirror. This was my first lie..and im not proud of this

i installed it in the bathroom. Specifically inside the shower area. Facing inward. At eye level. When i shower now, it feels like Ayton is there. Watching and supporting.
Evaluating my defensive positioning…i swear the steam makes it more realistic.

Is this gay? Probably. Is it cheating. Maybe?!

At some point it stopped being about the bet. i now schedule my showers. i think about rotations. i apologize out loud when i miss spots. i catch myself explaining my day to a laminated image of a man who does not know i exist.

The worst part is that it feels normal now. Like i unlocked a hidden Ayton perk. Shower chemistry. Locker room aura. Elite vertical spacing in a tiled environment.

So yes. The rumors are true. i followed through. The poster exists. The relationship is real. The marriage is probably not long for this world.. but i still love Vando!

i just wanted you all to know that words have consequences and sometimes a copypasta becomes a lifestyle.

If Ayton sees this. I kept my promise.
And right now as i’m writing this, i’m sitting in front of my computer in my underwear, eating a bowl of cereal. i don’t really know if this is the moment where i should seriously question my life choices, or if i should just keep going and quietly admire Deandre Ayton’s beautiful hands, because they genuinely look so soft it almost feels disrespectful not to appreciate them.

43 comments

  4. I’m not kidding when I say Ayton is the only guy in the league who could make a Wilson ball blush. Every time he dribbles, the seams just… shiver. Every time he goes for a layup, the rim moans like it’s been waiting its whole sad life for him. His hands are so soft he could touch a cactus and the cactus would probably feel insecure.

    Sometimes I watch him practice and I just… I don’t even know. I’m sitting in my room in my underwear, eating dry cereal straight from the box, and that ball is getting treated better than I ever will. It’s probably giggling when he bounces it. Me? I’m over here dribbling on my carpet, pretending it’s Ayton noticing me.

    Honestly, I’ve stopped pretending I matter. If Ayton ever walked into my apartment and looked at my wife, I’d just… step aside. Like, please sir, take care of her, she deserves it. He’d love her better than I ever could. And me? I’d just sit in the corner, quietly crying, thinking about how the same guy whose hands make basketballs feel alive could probably fix my entire pathetic life while I rot here.

  5. Reminds me of Ron artest approaching Kobe in the showers after his loss to the Celts

  23. We went from Luka defense post to this and it somehow is better quality. Good job OP!

  28. If I came into someone’s house and saw this in their bathroom I’d presume they jerked off in the shower to this poster 

  30. OP, are you currently incarcerated? That straight-up looks like a shower at a min sec prison.

  41. Thank you, this is the content that makes this sub worth being here. I have been hating it so much lately, but with this i feel like the slate is clean, and now i can be here for a while without all the doom and shitheads making me sad. I hope you and your family have a really nice new year 🙂

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