In the offseason, Koby Altman spurned Ty Jerome. In response, Ty Jerome placed a curse on the Cavs guard position.

Since the start of the season, our guards have been cursed. Darius Garland has missed 18 games and may be without two working feet in the near future. Additionally, Sam Merrill has missed 20 games, and Max Strus all 44. Lonzo (Ty Jerome's real replacement) has lost his three ball and been less than stellar on the court. Mitchell is from New York and so he's immune. CPJ, as the Cavs' second-string small forward, was spared.

This curse is clearly powerful because of the blood sacrifices Ty Jerome has made for the curse: offering up his own calf and his best friend DeAndre Hunter's shooting as compensation. However, with funding from this community, we can undo this spiteful spell with one of our own.

My suggestion is to hire the witch Lexa Rosean. Her credentials include being named New York's "best witch" by the Village Voice and being featured on a recent Pablo Torre Finds Out episode (https://youtu.be/dkq3vFmk7mY?si=y79J40q\_0gYUBXV3). According to her website, a one-hour consultation is a mere $300 (https://www.lexarosean.com/consultations.html).

If everyone on this subreddit tithes about 50% of their monthly wages, I predict we can raise the money in the next six months or so. It is a tough sacrifice, but it is one I am willing to make for the good of this team. Who's with me? đź’Ş

8 comments

  1. Nah this ain’t a curse it’s a nen condition and we are absolutely fucked 

  4. Lonzo was not meant to be Jerome’s replacement. The FO isn’t that stupid. Dude has not had any impact on the league in years. Ball was an expiring contract to dump okoro’s salary. It wasn’t a move made to improve the roster, it was a money move

    The real replacement for Jerome was Merrill. That’s why they chose to extend him over Jerome and give him more minutes

  7. >CPJ, as the Cavs’ second-string small forward, was spared.

    Lol, thanks for the laugh, OP, this is a solid shitpost.

    As a current Seattle resident though, I want to give a shout out to witch potency in the PNW.

    https://www.pnwwitchesmarket.com/

    I’m gonna want at least three bids for comparison before I commit any of my funds towards the collective.

Leave a Reply